Apparently Kylie Jenner is looking for a new best friend and pls, look no further.

Word on the street otherwise known as the internet is Kylie Jenner is in the market for new friends and girl, I got you.

Look. No. Further.

Following the Tristan Thompson/Jordyn Woods cheating ~scandal~ that’s taken over our lives, Kylie would quite like to expand her social circle and we are listening.

“She has been socialising more and trying to find a bigger circle of friends that she can be close with,” a source explained to People .

We are interpreting this to mean she is looking to bestow the title of “Kyle Jenner’s best friend” on a relative nobody who doesn’t have much else going on in their lives and mate, you’re looking right at her.


Kylie (we'll come up with a fun nickname later), while I have not a single doubt that you will find me the perfect candidate for the role, please see below my application for consideration.

*Clears throat*

Other than a winning personality, love of makeup, and basically no social life (so I can start right away!) here are the unique set of skills I will bring to the job:

1. I have weirdly long arms that are perfect for makeup swatches.

I am one of those people with an arm span freakishly longer than my height, thus meaning plenty of space for you to test your colour palettes and lip kits on.


2. A vast knowledge of the Kar-Jenner family tree and extending social circle.

I am well versed in who I can/can't hook up with, who I should avoid talking about politics with, and whose name I definitely SHOULD NOT mention at family gatherings (cough Blac Chyna, cough).

I'm also a little bit scared of Kris Jenner destroying all that I love if I cross your family in any way, so you're safe with me.

3. I will stop at nothing to find the perfect angle for your Instagram photo shoots.

Climbing trees, hanging off the edge of buildings, lying in the gutter, you name it.

I am not afraid to put my own body on the line to get *the shot* to complete your Insta feed.

And if it's a group photo where you look great and I look average? I hereby give you permission to post to your heart's content.

I'm just chilled like that.

4. I am an experienced babysitter.

OK, full disclosure: all the kids I babysat were above three because it was a time in my life where babies terrified me.

But now? Babies LOVE me.

And Stormi and I look like we'd get along famously.

She likes Chanel handbags? I like Chanel handbags!

She likes to nap during the day? I like to nap during the day!

5. I'm not... Jordyn Woods.

Yes, I know we have a very similar look (as above).

But I, above all else, possess the most important prerequisite to be your new best friend: I am not Jordyn Woods, and have never hooked up with anyone remotely close to the Kardashian-Jenner social circle.

So how 'bout it?

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