celebrity

Apparently Kylie Jenner is looking for a new best friend and pls, look no further.

Word on the street otherwise known as the internet is Kylie Jenner is in the market for new friends and girl, I got you.

Look. No. Further.

Following the Tristan Thompson/Jordyn Woods cheating ~scandal~ that’s taken over our lives, Kylie would quite like to expand her social circle and we are listening.

“She has been socialising more and trying to find a bigger circle of friends that she can be close with,” a source explained to People .

We are interpreting this to mean she is looking to bestow the title of “Kyle Jenner’s best friend” on a relative nobody who doesn’t have much else going on in their lives and mate, you’re looking right at her.

IT
ME.
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Kylie (we'll come up with a fun nickname later), while I have not a single doubt that you will find me the perfect candidate for the role, please see below my application for consideration.

*Clears throat*

Other than a winning personality, love of makeup, and basically no social life (so I can start right away!) here are the unique set of skills I will bring to the job:

1. I have weirdly long arms that are perfect for makeup swatches.

I am one of those people with an arm span freakishly longer than my height, thus meaning plenty of space for you to test your colour palettes and lip kits on.

Boom.

2. A vast knowledge of the Kar-Jenner family tree and extending social circle.

I am well versed in who I can/can't hook up with, who I should avoid talking about politics with, and whose name I definitely SHOULD NOT mention at family gatherings (cough Blac Chyna, cough).

I'm also a little bit scared of Kris Jenner destroying all that I love if I cross your family in any way, so you're safe with me.

3. I will stop at nothing to find the perfect angle for your Instagram photo shoots.

Climbing trees, hanging off the edge of buildings, lying in the gutter, you name it.

I am not afraid to put my own body on the line to get *the shot* to complete your Insta feed.

And if it's a group photo where you look great and I look average? I hereby give you permission to post to your heart's content.

I'm just chilled like that.

4. I am an experienced babysitter.

OK, full disclosure: all the kids I babysat were above three because it was a time in my life where babies terrified me.

But now? Babies LOVE me.

And Stormi and I look like we'd get along famously.

She likes Chanel handbags? I like Chanel handbags!

She likes to nap during the day? I like to nap during the day!

5. I'm not... Jordyn Woods.

Yes, I know we have a very similar look (as above).

But I, above all else, possess the most important prerequisite to be your new best friend: I am not Jordyn Woods, and have never hooked up with anyone remotely close to the Kardashian-Jenner social circle.

So how 'bout it?

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