Nobody knows what the hell is going on inside Kylie Jenner’s uterus.
Entertainment tabloids – whose very existence depends on being up to date and in touch with celebrities’ private lives, or at least pretending to be – are clambering to decipher details about the youngest Kardashian sister’s womb, falling over each other as they do so.
Since rumours of Jenner’s pregnancy-but-maybe-not broke in September, all have all shared rather colourful reports about the 20-year-old.
If you ask People, the baby will be a girl, and that girl will be born in February.
TMZ disagrees. Earlier this month they reported a March due date, but days ago published a paparazzo shot of Jenner – one of the only photos taken of the reality TV personality for months – that barely shows any signs of pregnancy at all.
Then there’s E!, reporting that Kylie is “counting down the days” and “is also very excited about losing baby weight and getting her body back” because “that’s going to be a huge priority.”
(How brilliant. Because we all know ‘bouncing back’ is definitely the most important aspect of creating life.)
Despite their very best attempts at stalking, coaxing and prodding, for once the tabloids are in the dark about a Kardashian event. An event that, in four months, hasn’t ever actually been confirmed by anyone other than “unnamed sources”, hardly the purveyors of all things factual and true.
Listen: Is the timing of the most recent bout of Kardashian pregnancies a little TOO convenient? We discuss, on Mamamia Out Loud.
For someone with 100 million followers on Instagram, who has cultivated a life out of making the very personal very public, Jenner has done an immaculate job of flipping the whole goddamn thing on its head. She hasn’t posted a single thing on Instagram for over a month, which, in Kardashian-Jenner years, is a century.
So, is Kylie even pregnant? Is her due date not in February or March at all? Or did she already have the baby?
Our guess is as good as the tabloids, it appears.
And as the father of her maybe-but-maybe-not child told Billboard earlier this month: “I don’t want to talk about [it]. They’re just guesses. Let them keep fishing.”
Let them keeping fishing indeed.