Can you be a 'boy mum' when you parent girls too?

Type the words 'boy mom' into TikTok and prepare to be overwhelmed by 26 billion views on the topic – more than double the amount of 'girl mom' clips.

On a surface level, boy mum culture is relatable bits of content about cute, active boys who love their mums and enjoy making a mess.

But scroll past all the blue hearts and #blessedwithboys content of wrestling, muddy soccer boots and 'sticks as guns' clips, and you'll find another level of toxic 'boy mum' videos that reinforce male and female stereotypes and are, frankly, just... bad.

The latest celebrity to weigh in on the 'boy mum' trope is none other than 43-year-old Kim Kardashian.

Watch a clip of Kim on the latest season of The Kardashians. Post continues below.

Kim has four kids with her ex-husband Kanye West, two of them boys – Saint, who is seven, and four-year-old Psalm – as well as her girls, 10-year-old North and Chicago, who is five.

In the most recent episode of The Kardashians, streaming in Australia on Disney+, Kim is shown taking a group of her friends and their sons on a luxury European soccer holiday, which kicks off on her private jet.

"My son Saint has a newfound obsession, love for soccer, so I decided I want to plan this legendary trip of a lifetime," she says to the camera as Saint and his pals kick a ball around in the hallway of their bougie London accommodation. 

"I love my girls, but a girl, like, steals your clothes and has an attitude, y'know? There's nothing like being a boy mom. Like, seriously, it’s the best."

As Kim, Saint and all their friends make their way to a private box at Emirates Stadium to meet the players, get gifted goodie bags and basically be treated like royalty, Saint says, "This is the WORST day of my life!" because Kim forgot his red Arsenal top. While the tantrum surely negates her 'girls and attitude' comment from before, as a mum of a six-year-old, I found it the most relatable bit of the whole episode.

Kim goes on to talk more about enjoying the whole "soccer mom" life with her friends as they pose for plenty of photos, and then she describes how different her two eldest kids are in a piece to the camera.

"I feel like North… lives her life like an only child, does her thing," Kim says of her independent eldest daughter.

On Saint, she says, "He’s such a mama’s boy and I love it. I know those years aren't going to last forever. He already doesn't like me to kiss him goodbye at school anymore. He gets so embarrassed. He looks around and sees where his friends are and quickly hugs me and runs. So we’re already there."

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A post shared by Kim Kardashian (@kimkardashian)

In a 2022 episode of The Kardashians, Kim tells her then-postpartum sister Kylie that she believes women are better off when pregnant with boys, because girls, "take the beauty to give it to themselves".

As her mum and Kris appear somewhat dumbfounded by her tone, she follows it up with, "The boys know what's up and they let you be a little bit prettier."

The stereotypical message this old wives tale sends about boys doing and being one thing to their mums and girls another is not only cruel and sexist but also total nonsense.

Of course, Kim knows that soundbites like this create headlines – whether she really believes what she's saying or not.

Now that she's weighing into the murky waters of being an out and proud 'boy mom' while also being a mother of two girls, she likely knows that will also generate more attention.

But what is actually the problem with being a 'boy mum' anyway?

Toxic 'boy mum' culture.

Anna Saccone is a 35-year-old mum of four and queen of 'toxic boy mum' life after one of her TikToks on the subject went viral.

In a clip that has been viewed nearly six million times, she says that while she loves all her kids equally, her last little boy, "Just hit different", before going on to defend her youngest son for hitting and punching his sisters because he's had a "bad day". 

@annasaccone I swore I’d never become that mum…and yet here we are 🥴🙈 #boymom #momof4 #toxicmom #annasaccone #sacconejolys #4kidsmama #momsoftiktok ♬ original sound - Anna Saccone Joly

It's a quick 35-second TikTok that I doubt Anna thought about too much before it was shared thousands of times and she was labelled a misogynistic villain by many.

But her defence of her son's violence against the girls is troubling when considered alongside the many other online examples of toxic boy mums treating their sons as little princes or 'favourites'.

Just like Kim's words are troubling when, as the mum of girls and boys with an enormous platform, she reinforces gender stereotypes that girls have 'attitude' and being a boy mum is 'the best'.

Who will these favourited little boys grow up to be, and how will they treat the women in their lives as adults?

Boy mum culture and stereotypes.

I am a mum of two gorgeous boys, ages 13 and six, so I could officially say that I am a 'boy mum', and may actually have done so in the past. 

Parenting is hard work and I understand that a 'boy mum' club provides a sense of belonging for many tired mums who proudly sport their 'boy mama' t-shirts. It's a community with which to swap stories and laugh at some memes about raising little boys that you relate to, thanks to being exhausted by a chaotic and busy life as their parent.

But now that my boys are older and I have had many years of parenting their different personalities and traits – I wouldn't use the term.

At best, I think self-describing as a 'boy mum' feels a bit silly; at worst, it's toxic and reductive.

And as Ella Shalvi-Entelis, a mum of a boy and a girl, told Parents, using classifications like 'boy mum' is limiting our kids.

"These stereotypes don't allow us to see a child as a unique individual, and that's never good. When I see a mom with a 'boys will be boys' attitude, I think it’s a shame. Those kids need help learning to regulate their emotions and behaviour."

In an essay for The Washington Post earlier this year, writer Rachel Verona Cote summed it up beautifully, saying she rejects the term 'boy mum' to spare her child being pigeon-holed as having a certain persona.

"I am, simply, my child’s mom, and I trust my child to show me who he is," she writes.

"I want to cultivate a compassionate and steady environment where he can confidently make those decisions, where he can be who he is meant to be. I endeavour always to see my child on his terms."

Whether you have girls or boys or don't ascribe to gender norms at all, seeing our kids as the unique humans they are – and not pitting them and their so-called gendered traits against each other – is probably the best thing we, as parents, can do.

That goes for Kimmy K, too.

Laura Jackel is Mamamia's Senior Lifestyle Family Writer. For links to her articles and to see photos of her outfits and kids, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

Feature Image: Instagram @kimkardashian

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