weddings

"I fell in love with her arse." 8 women share the cringiest wedding speech they've ever heard.

There are few occasions where people voluntarily submit themselves to a pressure-packed (and expensive) day prone to family drama and lots of alcohol. Weddings are one of them.

But between the (excess) liquid courage and the bit where the bridesmaid or the father-of-the-bride attempts to live out their dreams of being a comedian, disaster can happen. Yes, we’re talking about the wedding speeches.

From nervous slip-ups to jokes that should never be uttered into a microphone (let alone in front of grandma Ruth), we asked eight women to share the cringiest wedding speech they’ve had the pleasure of hearing.

“How good are speeches?” Things people at weddings never say. Post continues below.

Video by Mamamia

Vanessa

I worked at a wedding where the groom (an ex-AFL player) said ‘When I met Alicia* she was in a relationship… I sorted that out pretty quickly’. Apparently she cheated on her boyfriend of seven years with her now-husband. Everyone was pretty stunned.

I also worked at another one where the bride had a massive fight with her family and groom and IN HER SPEECH said ‘And as for that c**t I just married…’
She was drinking a Cruiser while making the speech. Lol.

Rachel*

At my wedding, my dad wished my brother and me a happy life together. It was a slip of the tongue. My dad should have wished “Rachel* and Angus” a happy life together but instead said, “Rachel and Hamish” then rectified his mistake.
Everyone laughed, it was a funny moment.

Kelly

I’m not joking, at my RECENT disaster wedding, the best man speech involved him telling everyone about the ‘time he’d seen my moot’ and then getting everyone to chant ‘moot moot moot’. He also failed to say one nice thing about the groom (his best friend) and myself. Suffice to say, my family aren’t fans.

If you want to hear more about Kelly McCarren’s truly disastrous wedding, listen to her talk about it on Overshare. It involves a natural disaster, a friendship breakup and no food until 10pm. Post continues below.

Jess

I went to a wedding where the bride’s brother gave a speech and he said “Here’s some advice for the groom. If the pink is covered in red aim for the brown!” Not wedding appropriate and especially when you’re talking about your sister.

Jessica

Instead of “I’ve never been more proud of Rose*” the father of the bride said, “I’ve never been proud of Rose”.  Not exactly horrifying but it was very funny. He corrected himself shortly after. The dad was definitely nervous – he’s a truck driver so not a lot of experience with public speaking.

Michelle*

I went to a wedding where the groom said: “I fell in love with her arse and I hadn’t even seen her face yet!” The groom was a total idiot and it wasn’t the only cringe-worthy thing he said so everyone laughed but we were embarrassed for her. It was a weird wedding.

Annie*

At my sister’s wedding, her father-in-law gave a speech and said something along the lines of “consider yourself lucky son.. because you certainly don’t deserve a woman like her”. Imagine saying something like that about your own child!!! Everyone’s jaw just dropped!!

Jen*

This came from the father of the groom who was so wasted his whole speech was slurred. He was pretty drunk and started to list all the things his son has to be careful of once he’s married and one of the examples was “trying to hide the escort from the missus”.

He laughed at himself but quickly wrapped it up once he realised that the joke didn’t really land. The audience was just awkwardly silent.

Do you have any stories of horrific wedding speeches? Tell us in a comment below.

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