weddings

'A bride-to-be wrote a "rude" note to her potential guests. I wish I could send out the same one.'

There’s no pretty way to put this, so I’m just going to come out and say it. If you’re planning a wedding in 2020, niceties when it comes to your guests are well and truly out the window.

Because as if planning all of the logistics of a wedding isn’t difficult and time consuming enough, how about we throw in a pandemic just to make things a little more interesting, shall we? said no bride-to-be, ever. 

That’s why, as someone who is currently in the depths of wedding planning, when I came across a note a UK bride included with her wedding invitations, I immediately sent it to my sister along with the words ‘I want to send this with my invites lol’. 

You can see the note below: 

Of course, I was joking. And my sister’s response went along the lines of ‘could you imagine how our family would react if you did.' And I most certainly can. Hint: it would not be good. 

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand why sending a letter like this might not go down so well. It’s a move that has been labelled as “tacky” and “rude” online. 

But I’d bet that most brides who have seen it after having a good laugh wish it was a letter that was socially acceptable for them to send. Myself included.

Now for the record, I would never send a letter like this to my guests because you can bet most of them probably wouldn’t want to come after being informed they’ve been placed into ‘Group A’ or ‘Groups B & C’ like a herd of sheep. 

It’s definitely not subtle. Yet logistically speaking, it does make a lot of sense. And let’s not forget that most couples planning a wedding do this sort of grouping anyway, it’s just not a process that is often brought to the attention of your guests (clearly, for good reason). 

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Sending you invitations out early enough means your guests are usually none the wiser that this has even happened and the space that would’ve been left by say a close family member can now be extended to a good friend. 

In the age of the coronavirus, not all engaged couples have this luxury. You see, we are living in unprecedented times. With capacities and rules changing month to month, sometimes week to week, in any case you kind of just need to know who can come to your wedding.  

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It’s hard to write your guest list when you don’t know how many people you will be allowed to invite. You also don’t want those spaces to go to waste if guests can’t make it because numbers are already so limited. 

Keep in mind that most venues will still have a minimum number that has been agreed upon so say for example it’s 100 and only 90 people can come? You can bet you’ll still be paying for those 10 empty seats because receptions are businesses too. 

Ones that have been hit hard by closures and walk a fine line between recouping costs and trying to stay open while still making sure the bride and groom are happy. No easy task, let me tell you. 

Throw in international guests and well, sometimes you’re up until midnight asking if it’s too late just to elope. That’s how my fiancé and I have found ourselves in the process of writing four guest lists. Yes four. They look like this: 

  1. 150-person limit/international travel allowed 

  2. 150-person limit/international travel not allowed

  3. No limit/international travel allowed

  4. No limit/international travel not allowed

I’m honestly getting a twitch in my eye as I’m typing this. Put in short, it’s a complete mind f*ck. Back to my point about why I wish I could send this note along with my invitations… 

So if you as a guest do happen to receive a note like this, on behalf of all brides currently planning their wedding, can I say this: 

Please don’t take it personally and please don’t make a big deal about it either. Life is hard enough at the moment and brides-to-be are a tad fragile as it is. For the sake of us all, RSVP yes or no as soon as is possible and just leave it at that. 

It’s not about you, it’s most definitely about COVID-19.

Feature Image: Getty/Twitter@von_owie 

Valentina Todoroska is a freelance writer, editor and former primary school teacher. You can
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