I’m doing the best I can. Really.
For a while I was thinking of getting a tattoo on the palm of my hand that said, “I’m doing the best I can.”
Not only could I look at it when I was feeling shitty, I could hold my hand out to anyone who thought I was failing them – or more likely, who I felt I was failing – and hope they’d understand.
Five lifestyle hacks to help with your anxiety. Post continues after.
If love means never having to say you’re sorry, then having chronic anxiety means always having to say you’re sorry. (Although actually, love definitely doesn’t mean never having to say you’re sorry, so…)
People I am constantly feeling apologetic toward include, but are not limited to: my children, my boss, my friends, my boyfriend, and many various and random people I encounter in my everyday life.
Ever since I started having panic attacks and was diagnosed with anxiety, I’ve worried that people will think I’m flaky when an episode of anxiety cripples me and causes me to skip an event, decline an invitation, show up late, or miss a deadline.
It’s painful, because I’m someone who believes in saying yes, showing up, and keeping commitments. I absolutely hate being late, disappointing people, or missing out.
But when overcommitting and relentlessly pushing yourself results in being doubled over, wheezing and having your life flash in front of your eyes, something has to give.
The day after the last United States presidential election was a good example of a time when I fell apart – and made it worse by keeping my mouth shut and trying to soldier through.
I stayed up that night watching election returns until the bitter end, when Donald Trump made his victory speech in the wee hours of the morning.
The next morning, I stared at my laptop screen and couldn’t stop crying. I knew I needed to work; I was supposed to write a story about the election results, for one thing. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
All day, I kept thinking I’d be able to get it together and get my work done, and all day, I cried and cried, only occasionally stopping to stare blankly at my screen and feel numb.