This post deals with infant loss and may be triggering for some readers.
We know it’s hard.
We know you don’t know what to say and are terrified of upsetting us further.
We know you wish you could take away our pain - we wish we knew how to do that too, but sadly, when you lose a baby in pregnancy or infancy there’s very little which will take away the overwhelming heartache and sorrow which follows.
In time, the loneliness and despair does soften, but it’s a loss which never truly leaves you. And what most loss mothers want their friends and family to know is that sometimes, we really need you to have that uncomfortable conversation with us, the one where you’re not sure how to respond, and can’t think of the ‘right’ thing to say.
Watch: A tribute to the babies we've lost. Post continues below.
We often don’t know what to say either, but we need you to reach out, to say our baby's name, and not to ignore our pain.
We’re not looking for answers, platitudes or a cure for our grief, we need to tell our stories in order to heal, and sometimes what we really need is for someone to sit with us in the darkness and just listen. That solidarity is what I craved most after my son Miles was stillborn.
When I read the heartbreaking post from Chrissy Teigen it transported me straight back to that hospital room and the overwhelming feelings of utter sorrow and devastation I felt when we lost Miles.
When we tell our stories and talk about our babies it's rarely for pity, seldom for attention and nor is it because we’re wallowing or stuck in our grief.
Most baby loss mothers I know tell their story to be understood, to keep their baby’s memory alive and to help ease the way for those who will sadly face similar heartache in the future.
Talking about your child should be the simplest and easiest conversation in the world, but if your baby died before their life could fully begin it can be one of the hardest, most gut wrenching conversations you’ll ever embark upon.