couples

'I was six weeks pregnant when my husband's iPhone location exposed his affair.'

We’d been together for most of our twenties, been married merely 10 months, had an eight-month-old son and had recently found out we were expecting a second baby.

He owns his own business, so he’s always had various job locations and never set hours, although he was working more and later than usual. I guess I should have seen the signs, but it was the last thing I expected.

Can you be a feminist and have an affair? Post continues after audio.

The night I told him I was pregnant with baby number two, he’d just returned from his work Christmas show after being at “her” house. I accidentally caught him out on Find My iPhone. He came up with some extravagant story as to how his phone ended up on the other side of town, but knowing what I know now, he was with her.

His reaction about the pregnancy was apathetic, and I found it odd that he showed little to no interest. I pushed it aside because I thought he needed time to process. Then a couple weeks later I got the excuse of “I’m not happy”, “I don’t think I love you anymore”, “This baby isn’t going to help our marriage” and “I need a break”.

I agreed to the break, in the hopes it would save our marriage. Instead of genuinely trying to work on our relationship, he continued his affair with the woman who not only knew about me and our marriage, but the fact that we had a young son and were expecting another child. All the while, I was none the wiser.

I guess the one good thing he did was tell me about the affair before I learnt about it from someone else, but his timing couldn’t be any worse. Australia Day will forever be the day I learnt about the betrayal, and what was meant to be our first wedding anniversary a couple of weeks later became the day he asked for a divorce.

He left me and moved in with a woman who still lives with her parents, has an average paying job, no savings and quite clearly no morals.

I was left to look after our eight-month-old while six-weeks pregnant. I was a complete mess. I was barely functioning on little food and sleep, all while trying to raise our son and constantly worrying about what effect this was having on our baby. I cried multiple times a day for weeks and months, but slowly and surely it became less and less. I made sure I went to get a mental health plan so I could speak with a psychologist before and after baby arrived. I wanted to be proactive and prepared, especially given the circumstances I was dealing with. The life I thought we had created together was falling apart.

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Sophie Monk talks to Mamamia about cheating. Post continues after video.

It’s such a hard thing to grieve the end of a relationship or marriage when you’re expecting a child. I’d lay alone at night and feel the baby moving inside of me. A constant reminder that this little girl was going to be born into a broken family. Such a joyous and exciting occasion had been so tainted by such betrayal.

Over the past 16 months he’s missed out on many milestones and exciting moments, particularly witnessing the birth of his daughter.

He has become a person I don’t know and his behaviour towards me has been spiteful. It’s as if I was the one who destroyed our marriage, broke our family and had the affair.

The thing I’m struggling with most is the fact that he is still with her and they are playing happy family with our children.

He chooses to be a dad when it suits him, and where he falls short on his minimal parental responsibilities, his parents (the children’s grandparents) pick up the slack.

I know it will get easier over time, and I’ve already come so far. My focus for now is finding myself again and doing the things that make me happy. I’m enjoying the precious moments I have with my two beautiful children, and when the time is right, I’ll be ready for love.

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