I have some horrible, sad, but not breaking news to share: Lovely, mid-sentence pee-er Timm Hanly is not going to win The Bachelorette.
He’s kind and funny and genuine and funny and honest and funny and weird but in a good way and FUNNY, but we’re positive Angie will choose Carlin (and his face) in Thursday night’s finale.
(I want it known that this article pains me to write, because Timm is an angel who deserves happiness and I DON’T WANT TO WATCH HIS HEART GET STOMPED ON.)
Where’s our proof? Well I’m glad you asked.
1. Leaked footage says so.
Timm’s only flaw is… his best friend Jackson. His mate spent Timm’s whole hometown date talking about how he wants to sabotage Timm’s chances with Angie because he’s possessive and jealous and RUDE.
That’s not real friendship, but putting that aside, Jackson’s Instagram is a damn good place to look for the gossip.
The Daily Mail has surfaced a video (you can see it here) from about a month ago from Jackson’s gram, showing Timm cringe while watching a one-on-one moment between himself and Angie at a Bachie viewing party.
“Turn it off, I don’t want to see that sh*t,” Timm says in the video, turning away and covering his face with his arm.
Then later videos show the 27-year-old 'drowning his sorrows' according to the DM, which seems presumptuous but also... likely.
The only logical conclusion to draw from this footage is that Timm doesn't win and watching him and his sort-of ex(?) on TV is weird, awkward and a lil bit painful.
2. Betting agencies also say so.
The Sportsbet odds have an impeccable record for predicting who will win the Bachelorette or Bachelor. Sure, it had a wee slip up for the Honey Badger's season but... that's entirely Nick's fault.