reality tv

We're sorry. Here's all the evidence Timm definitely won't win The Bachelorette tonight.

To catch up on all the Bachelorette Australia 2019 recaps and gossip, check out Mamamia’s recaps and visit our Bachelorette hub page.

I have some horrible, sad, but not breaking news to share: Lovely, mid-sentence pee-er Timm Hanly is not going to win The Bachelorette.

He’s kind and funny and genuine and funny and honest and funny and weird but in a good way and FUNNY, but we’re positive Angie will choose Carlin (and his face) in Thursday night’s finale.

(I want it known that this article pains me to write, because Timm is an angel who deserves happiness and I DON’T WANT TO WATCH HIS HEART GET STOMPED ON.)

Where’s our proof? Well I’m glad you asked.

1. Leaked footage says so.

Timm’s only flaw is… his best friend Jackson. His mate spent Timm’s whole hometown date talking about how he wants to sabotage Timm’s chances with Angie because he’s possessive and jealous and RUDE.

That’s not real friendship, but putting that aside, Jackson’s Instagram is a damn good place to look for the gossip.

The Daily Mail has surfaced a video (you can see it here) from about a month ago from Jackson’s gram, showing Timm cringe while watching a one-on-one moment between himself and Angie at a Bachie viewing party.

“Turn it off, I don’t want to see that sh*t,” Timm says in the video, turning away and covering his face with his arm.

bachelorette timm
IT'S HARD FOR HIM. Image: Instagram.

Then later videos show the 27-year-old 'drowning his sorrows' according to the DM, which seems presumptuous but also... likely.

The only logical conclusion to draw from this footage is that Timm doesn't win and watching him and his sort-of ex(?) on TV is weird, awkward and a lil bit painful.

2. Betting agencies also say so.

The Sportsbet odds have an impeccable record for predicting who will win the Bachelorette or Bachelor. Sure, it had a wee slip up for the Honey Badger's season but... that's entirely Nick's fault.

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Carlin has had the shortest odds at the betting agency ever since the contestants were announced before the series premiere, and hours out from the finale he's paying 1.27, with Timm a distant second at 4.00.

bachelorette sportsbet
:'(

Damn Sportsbet, crushing our hopes and dreams with its scarily accurate ability to predict reality TV show winners.

3. "Bless".

A few episodes ago, Angie and Ryan (RIP) were enjoying an intimate talk at a cocktail party, right up until...

bachelorette timm
HI GUYS
man in bush gif
IT ME TIMM
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Timm, PLEASE.

It was all a bit of a lol and led them to end their chat prematurely, before Angie said "Aw, bless".

And we all know, you're never going to date the dude who you say "Aw, bless" to.

4. BRAD.

Undercover brother is apparently back in the finale to destroy the hopes and dreams of all of Australia.

According to New Idea, the final two will again meet Angie's family on Thursday's episode and bloody Brad ruins Timm's chances.

"Brad told Angie he wouldn’t approve if she picked Timm," a 'source' which may or may not be one of the mansion alpacas told the publication.

"It came as a shock but family comes first for Angie, so she ends up taking his advice. She trusts her brother knows what’s best for her."

barnaby joyce
Noooooo

*UGLY CRIES*

Despite all this we're still a little bit... in denial, because the thought of Timm getting out the limo first and being told he's not the one is THE WORST THING IMAGINABLE.

We're going to need a lot of tissues.

00:00 / ???