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An ode to sweet, larrikin Timm who's definitely going to get his heart broken tonight.

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We are not prepared for the finale of The Bachelorette, because it’s probably going to result in the tears of a sweet, lovable long-haired man.

We need to talk about Timm, how much we love him and how he is definitely not going to be Angie Kent’s chosen man when the season ends tonight.

Because when Angie inevitably tells Timm she is picking Carlin (and his face), well, basically, it’s going to be like watching somebody kick a puppy.

Here’s the promo for Thursday night’s finale. Post continues below video.

Video via Network 10

We first met Timm when he walked down the red carpet with the largest bouquet of sunflowers to ever exist, and while Angie was immediately interested, we were distracted by a Kmart Zac Efron and that slimy politican from Noosa.

the bachelorette australia 2019 contestants
We're sorry we underestimated you

Then drama started to happen in the first ever cocktail party and we realised Timm with two Ms was a man we needed to know and love.


Instead of sitting around with the other dudes and talking about Jamie, who politician Jess alleged told Angie he didn't want a rose, Timm said they couldn't just talk about it behind his back and invited Jamie over to hash it out.

Emotionally mature, tick.

Then in episode two, he was dressed as a lobster and unlike the fragile man dressed as a chicken, Timm rolled with it.

the bachelorette australia 2019 recap jess
the bachelorette australia 2019 recap jess

Able to laugh at himself, tick.


At the second cocktail party, Timm - who had already cemented himself as a fashion icon at this point, tbh - casually confirmed he was wearing eyeliner when asked about it and... shit, we're into this.

bachelorette australia men

That cocktail party ended up being one of the most dramatic in Bach history thanks to the icky politician, and Timm was one of the men who called him out on his sh*t.

Tick, tick, tick.

If I continue this will turn into a 20,000 word dissertation, so here's a concise list of all the great Timm moments instead:

  • That time he said the men should respect Angie's autonomy and allow her to choose who she talks to and when
  • That time he got lost in a park and no one from production helped him???
  • That time he yelled at birds (??) because Angie didn't like them
  • That time he gushed about how much he loves his family
  • That time he needed to pee on their first single date
  • That time he performed a stand up routine about ducks... we think?
  • That time he was the one Angie knew she could trust to tell the truth about others in the mansion
  • That time he was the only one to notice Haydn had left the house
  • That time he said he was going to Steven Bradbury this whole thing
  • That time he didn't know what caviar was
  • That time he was nervous about getting a rose because he forgot he already... had one
  • That time he yelled at a horse for looking fake
  • That time he said he knew he really wanted to be with Angie after seeing her with his family
  • That time he told Angie "I look at you [and feel] a little bit inspired"
  • That time he told Angie not to apologise for breaking down at the cocktail party
  • That time he kissed Ryan goodbye on top of his bald head
timm bachelorette

Timm is a ridiculous man who has a tattoo of his best mate’s mum’s name on his bum and loses his ability to function when wearing a top hat, but he’s also a sweet angel who we must protect at all costs.

He once uttered the sentence "You want to be in love with someone who will become your eyes if you lose your eyes", but he's also the kindest, funniest and most genuine.

Plus, what has Angie consistently said she wants in a man?

“I’ve always been the girl who loves to make everyone laugh, but now I reckon it’s time to have someone to laugh with me, rather than at me,” the 29-year-old said in a statement announcing her as the Bachelorette.

“I’m at a place now where I have loads of self-love, but I’m also open to all of life’s amazing possibilities. So, if 20 or so fellas want to join me, have a laugh and potentially be my perfect partner in life and love – I say – let’s give it a red hot go!”

Carlin (and his face) has been the front runner since the beginning, even though Angie’s best friend Yvie described him as “2% funny”, but TIMM IS THE ONE WHO TICKS THE BOXES.

timm the bachelorette

And that's the worst part.

Because as much as we the people have come to love him and very much want to see him and Angie happy together, we think we're going to have to watch him get his heartbroken when she doesn't choose him because this is The Bachelorette and we have no trust.

Remember Todd in tears? Remember Matty J doubled over in pain?


We can't take that again.

Producers and editors are setting us up for heartbreak, making us fall for a man who looks like he's just come from a surf but also a runway, talks philosophically like he's maybe always a little bit... baked, and has dreams about ducks.

Loving Timm has surprised well, all of us, but it's not going to be enough in this cruel, cruel Bachie bubble.

Tonight we're going to see his heart broken and all we can do in anticipation is make sure we've got a sufficient supply of tissues handy.