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A thorough analysis of everything we know from The Bachelorette finale promo.

Ah, The Bachelorette Australia 2018 finale is almost upon us and isn’t it just a great time to be alive?

After watching Ali Oetjen sift through a medium sized group of suiters to “find a husband”, we will finally find out who that husband will be.

Over Wednesday and Thursday night, the 31-year-old from Adelaide will choose either Todd, Bill or Taite to build a white picket fence with.

Judging by the promo video for the finale, it’s going to be a doozy.

You can watch The Bachelorette promo below. Thorough analysis continues after video.

Video via Ten

Being the Bachelor franchise experts we are, we decided to undertake a thorough analysis of The Bachelorette finale promo so we can all go into it fully informed.

Here’s what we’ve concluded from our investigation:

1. Ali is not going home alone a la Honey Badger.

Earlier in the season, there were rumours Ali would be pulling what will forever be known as a Honey Badger and leave the show empty handed.

After casting a critical eye over the finale promo, we conclude she will not be leaving the show alone.

Ali will chose a winner because, after going through The Bachelor franchise machine twice before, she has a certain respect for what the viewers deserve.

We deserve a winner.

Whether that man will her husband and the father of her babies… only time and Instagram will tell.

2. Each man has been categorised into a romantic stereotype.

To make it easier for us viewers at home to understand how we’re meant to feel about each character contestant, the promo has categorised the finalists into three romantic stereotypes.

Todd = Prince ‘Husband Material’ Charming.

Bill = The Funny Larrakin.

Taite = The Sexy One.

See? Simple.


3. Ali really, really loves the winner.

Thanks to a couple of key audio queues, we can confidently say Ali really, really loves the winner. Like, really loves him.

Exhibit A: “This is the moment I’ve been waiting for, I can’t wait to tell him how much I love him.”

Exhibit B: “I’m in love… I’m SO in love.”

Exhibit C: “Dreams really do come true.”

Side note – Wanna debrief on the latest Bachelorette gossip? Get this week’s episode of Mamamia’s Bach Chat podcast in your ears below. Post continues after audio.

4. Ali also wanted the runner up, which made breaking up with one tough.

OK, let’s address the footage that shows Ali doubling over in pain, sobbing on the ground.

While some believe this kind of raw emotion supports the aforementioned Honey Badger theory that she’ll go home alone, we disagree.

You see, we’re of the opinion Ali gets so upset because she actually loved both of her finalists. But because producers told her she could only have one, dumping the runner up was the hardest thing she’s ever had to do, hence the tears.

Oh, it could also be because she can feel empathy for the runner up, having been dumped by Tim Robards in the 2013 season of The Bachelor.

Yeah. Maybe that’s it…

5. The finale will take place in Australia.

We analysed ever part of this promo video, including the vegetation.

By the looks of the finale set up – a lush bush setting, an aisle of sorts made from large tree branches, native flowers – it looks like Ali and co. stayed in Australia for the finale.

In the past, finales have always been held overseas, but after flying Nick Cummins, his finalists, his family, camera crew and Osher to New Caledonia only for everything to go balls up, Ten have had to make some budget cutbacks.

6. Ali will not be going on TV to find love ever again.

Probably the most subtle hint we picked up from the finale promo is that Ali will not be going on Tv to find love ever again.

Osher simply won’t allow it.

From the promo, we can see he even made a point of double checking she’d made the right decision.

Because Osher does not have the physical or emotional energy to set up anymore tea lights or candlelit garden picnics for Ali.

He’s exhausted. As are we.

See you on Wednesday for the first part of the Bachelorette Australia 2018 finale.

Who do you think will win The Bachelorette Australia 2018? Have you been watching?