When you first arrive in Australia, there are a LOT of confronting things you have to tackle head on: Snakes, spiders, semi-mythical drop bears, blistering heat, bush fires and whether or not "Yeah Nah" means 'yes' or, confusingly, 'no'.
And this chaos keeps you pretty occupied for the first couple years in Australia, but then your eyes start to open to slightly more nuanced strangeness.
Enter: Australian schools.
Watch: Three types of parents at the school pick up. Post continues after video.
Yes, I have never physically been inside an Aussie school (primary or secondary - and I know those are the British categories but I genuinely don't understand the sections here so you'll have to roll with me), so these following judgements are made entirely based on conversations I've had that made me abruptly go, "PARDON?".
But there are so, so, so many elements of Australian schools that make absolutely no sense to an expat. And I must talk about them. Immediately.
Are there any chairs in Australian schools?
I recently learnt that good, hard-working Australian children have to eat their lunch on the playground. And I mean literally on the playground.
Whether it's piping hot and the ground is burn-worthy or it's freezing cold, kids have to plonk themselves down on the outdoor ground to eat their lunch. Which, when it is extremely chilly, an ass-to-cold-ground situation can apparently lead to hemorrhoids. So, this is some sort of medical torture, no?
Apparently, often there are no chairs for assemblies either, so multiple ground-dwelling sessions are enforced upon the little ones.
I've never noticed in the federal budget that there's a 'big push' to put 'more chairs in schools', but frankly, I think there needs to be.
Quick! Have a listen to this episode of Mamamia Outloud, where Jessie, Mia and Holly discuss why boys need to brunch with girls ASAP. Post continues after podcast.
What on earth goes on at a 'tuck shop'?
Tuck shops honestly just confuse the f**k out of me.
On paper, it sounds like a sweet shop or a glorified vending machine, which kind of makes sense to me... until hot pies join the conversation.