parent opinion

'I've been married for 13 years. But to have a child right now would be morally wrong.'

As told to April Glover.

Women who purposefully choose not to have children and lead a child-free life will likely be told some variation of these lines.

‘You’ll change your mind one day!’

‘You’ll regret it when you’re older.’

‘I’m sure you’d feel different once you had your own kids.’

‘You won’t know real love is until you have a child.’

Watch: The things people who don't want kids always hear. Post continues below.

Video via Mamamia

Thanks to centuries of indoctrination, females are raised to believe their purpose in life is to find a nice man, fall pregnant and raise children. We are taught that motherhood is the be-all-end-all for a woman. 

But there’s a growing number of women, like me, who aren’t giving in to the pressure.

I identify as an ‘anti-natalist’, meaning I think it is inherently immoral to bring children into this world.

Think about it. We’re living through a literal global pandemic where the virus is worsened by overpopulation and global warming is a very real and terrifying threat.

If I can try to minimise the impact of humans on this earth by not having kids, I will.

Anti-natalism is also the belief that one I wish to spare a potential child from the suffering of life. 

The parent can never get the consent of the unborn child, therefore I believe a decision to procreate would be an imposition of life.

It’s an extreme branch of anti-natalism, but some of us believe the wish to reproduce oneself is a form of narcissism too.


I have been married for 13 years to a wonderful man who shares my desire to never procreate.

Listen to Mamamia Out Loud, Mamamia’s podcast with what women are talking about this week. Post continues below.

Being in a healthy, happy marriage without kids tends to trigger a barrage of unwelcome questions.

People have said things ranging from, ‘You would be such a good mum’ to ‘You owe it to your husband to give him children’.

Of course, I am the main target for these questions and assumptions – not my husband.

If a man remains child-free, people don't treat him as if he's defective or cruel or wrong. He’s simply an eternal ‘bachelor’ or ‘just hasn’t found the right girl’.

If a woman doesn’t want kids, then she’s just being ‘selfish’.

Every person should be able to decide for themselves how to live their life, freedom from judgment of their decisions. We should be treated equally to all other human beings.

But I’m not a cold-hearted, anti-kids robot. My husband and I share 53 nieces and nephews between us both and I love spending time with them.

We also have a large mix of friends, some with and some without children.  

My family and friends did question my decision for a few years. When I was a teenager, I thought I wanted children, mainly because I only met people that had children, or in some rare cases could not have children due to medical reasons.

Once I became an adult and learned more about pregnancy, childbirth and child rearing, it was evident to me at the age of 21 that the clear choice for me was to remain child-free for life.

It’s child-free, by the way. NOT childless. I am not less because I don’t have kids.

Another one of the reasons I don’t have an innate desire to have kids is a fear of the physical condition of pregnancy and childbirth.

I know so many women love the process of pregnancy and giving birth, and power to them.

But I also know it is just not for me.

Feature Image: Getty.