celebrity

I literally had to design a mindmap to keep track of who's dating who in Hollywood right now.

Look. 

The celebrities have been very busy drinking hot beverages from Dunkin' Donuts and sneaking into each other's multi-million dollar mansions. 

And honestly it's hard to keep up with who's dating who, who's kissing whose butt on a yacht and how Bradley Cooper is connected to all of this. 

Like, if I saw a headline tomorrow that said Brad Pitt and Jennifer Lopez eloped in Vegas and adopted Kanye West as their 44-year-old dependent, I wouldn't be surprised. 

It's a weird moment where time is an illusion and the beautiful people are very horny.

Anyway, let me break it down for you. 

In March, J.Lo aka Jenny From The Block broke up with her fiancé Alex Rodriguez aka A-Rod. A-Rod, who plays baseball, commemorated the moment by uploading a video to Instagram of a shrine he made of J.Lo, with Coldplay's 'Fix You' playing in the background.  

This was weird enough to send J.Lo travelling back in time to 2002 to spend some time on a metaphorical yacht with Ben With The Good Chin. 

via GIPHY

You see, she missed the good ole days when men would just take out a full-page ad in a magazine to tell you they kinda fancied you. A time before 'Fix You' was even playing in the background of every TV show as they killed off our favourite character. 

Thems were simpler times. 

In late April, Will Hunting's mate was seen leaving Jenny From The Block's mansion several times. Then in May they went on a week-long vacation to Montana together. Not sure what they did there. Probably rode some horses and laughed about the weird shrine. 

Last week, Affleck spent some time with Lopez's mother basically confirming the fact that Bennifer 1.0 was back on. Because apparently Mumma Guadalupe loves a bit of Ben With The Good Chin. And who can blame her, it's a very structurally sound chin.  

Then. 

Wait for it. 

This weekend, Jenny From The Block and Ben With The Good Chin were photographed kissing. According to Page Six, there was also some neck nuzzling and good for them! 

Meanwhile, J.Lo's ex A-Rod (aka the man with the creepy shrine) was photographed leaving Katie Holmes' apartment. Yep, the same Katie Holmes who a little bit had to join a cult after she married that old guy from Top Gun

ADVERTISEMENT

We are yet to confirm whether A-Rod has jumped on Oprah's couch. 

via GIPHY

However, Vanity Fair then reported that A-Rod and Katie haven't even met each other and A-Rod was simply "house hunting" because of... divorce and... creepy shrine. 

A-Roddles isn't the only person who has been seen leaving a dwelling that isn't his. After a visit that may or may not have been of a romantic/sexual nature.  

On the weekend, Angelina Jolie - yep the same Angelina Jolie that once stole Ross's on again/off again girlfriend's husband - was photographed arriving at her ex-husband Johnny Lee Miller's Brooklyn apartment. 

Jolie and Miller met on the set of Hackers in 1995. Six months later, in March 1996, they married. Angelina wrote Johnny's name on a t-shirt with her own blood and wore it to the ceremony. 

Classic Angelina. 

They split the next year and honestly, I can't imagine why those crazy kids couldn't make it work. 

Anyhoo, Page Six photographed Angelina entering the apartment building with a bottle of wine and leaving empty-handed a few hours later. Which obviously made everyone think we had experienced yet another time-jump, this time to 1997. 

What the publication didn't mention was that Ange was one of many guests to arrive for a... party and that her kids were there too. 

But let's not let the truth get in the way of a good yarn, hey?

DEEP BREATH. 

via GIPHY

Speaking of Hollywood exes, Brad Pitt (also the owner of a fine chin) is apparently dating Lykke Li. Lykke Li is a 35-year-old Swedish singer (I don't know why I'm weirdly excited that a 57-year-old man is dating a 35-year-old woman instead of a 22-year-old but I am) who released a bop called 'Get Some' in 2010. It was played in the background of all our favourite teen shows and also our fantasies. 

Anyways, Instagram gossip page Deuxmoi reported that according to a semi-random Swedish podcast, Pitt and Li are dating. 

ADVERTISEMENT

INTRIGUE. 


How did they meet? We don't know. What do they have in common? We don't know. What do they order from Dunkin' Donuts? It's unclear. 

Are they actually dating? Probably not. 

It seems you can make up anything these days and just blame it on a Swedish podcast. 

Speaking of Brads, Bradley Cooper's ex Irina Shayk is apparently dating... Kanye West

According to E! News, the pair met each other through the fashion industry and have known each other for years. Kanye has been flying in and out of New York (in his private jet probs) to see Irina. 

That means Bradley Cooper is basically a Kardashian now and honestly I can't wait to see his cosmetic line. 

So in a nutshell: 

 

ADVERTISEMENT

Maybe? But probably not?

via GIPHY

Feature Image: Mamamia, Getty and an immense amount of brainpower. 

Like a $50 gift voucher for your thoughts? For your chance, take our quick survey .
MMSurvey