The following extract is from Zoe Foster Blake’s book, Break-Up Boss.
What am I meant to do with all my time now?
A friend of mine went through a nasty break-up with a guy who treated her like a slightly elevated servant, and who broke up with her because he was feeling trapped. She did not like this. (I did: So long, suckface.) So, she actively blocked the break-up out of her mind, and went on as though nothing had changed. She’d call and text him daily (instead of, ‘Hi babe, what film should we see? xx’, it was, ‘I’m so sad, what could I do different, why why etc’). She would go to his house, and she would even have sex with him, despite him saying it was wrong and they shouldn’t, and pushing her away. (Naww. What a good guy.)
Like many freshly single ladybugs, my friend had found herself in the township of Complete Denial, where she had just appointed herself mayor. Unwilling to give up all the habits and routines she had been in for the past year, she just… chose not to. This is normal, and to be expected, especially if you’re the dumpee. But it’s unhealthy, and it needs to stop.
You’ll find new habits and routines before long, but when you’re freshly single, you don’t think or care about that shit, you just want safety and comfort and familiarity. This bit sucks. It cold, hard sucks. It hurts a hell of a lot, and symbolically, is not dissimilar to experiencing withdrawal symptoms after being a drug user.
But you will get through this.
It’s a huge and important part of the growth that comes with breaking up. Do you think it’s fun for a grub to be trapped in a tight, dark cocoon until it can become a butterfly? Probably not. But this is a Crucial Growth Moment (CGM) for you, and one you have to ride out. You can’t go back in time, and you can’t go forward, you just have to be here now, and suck it up, and make the most of it. So, do.