I am turning 40 in January (in 64 days), so obviously I had to take complete leave of whatever senses I have left and sign up to do Tough Mudder. Thoughts keep bouncing around my brain like, “What the hell have I gotten myself into now?” or “Who will look after the kids if I am severely injured”. Unhelpful at this stage. Those thoughts would have been more helpful a couple of months ago when I decided to sign up in the first place.
I seem to be missing those people in my life who say negative things like, “Wait, hang on, are you nuts? Don’t do it.” Instead I’m surrounded by those annoyingly positive and encouraging types who like to live life to the full and drag others along with them.
Actually, I do have one sane person in my life, my husband. He regularly tries to talk me out of things. As a result I often “forget” to tell him about decisions I have made in his absence and then try and weave them into conversations to take attention off. I told him I was competing in Tough Mudder via text. I said:
Hey Hon. Doing Tough Mudder this Sunday. Can you take the day off work so you can stay with the kids?
He responded with:
Um, sure. Tough Mudder?!?
He arrived home and didn’t mention it. I thought I was in. Then he cornered me later that night after having done some research on the event and started listing all the obstacles I’d have to face. I looked at him with disdain and then said (manipulatively), “So you’re basically saying that you don’t support me and you don’t believe in me. Some husband you are. Anything else you’d like to talk me out of? Maybe I should just stay home every day cooking and cleaning.”
At this point he backed away with his hands in the air, mumbling something like, “I just wanted you to know what you were getting yourself into” while I began pacing the room covered in cold sweat thinking for the first time, “What the hell have you gotten yourself into now?” and that thought has settled in that place in the pit of my stomach that is meant to warn me not to do stupid things. Often my reaction to decisions I make are delayed.
That was Saturday.
On Monday I emailed *Melanie – the person at work who keeps talking me out of dropping out, and asked to drop out.She reminded me that I originally signed up because I wanted to “challenge myself before I turn 40 in January”, and by the way *Melanie, it’s really annoying how you quote me back to myself. So I end up backing out of backing out and saying, “You’re right”, “Thanks so much”, “You’re the best” and a whole bunch of other platitudes I don’t really mean.
It isn’t really fair to just blame myself (and *Melanie) though. Equal responsibility needs to be given to social media which seems to be filled with all sorts of motivational memes aimed at women, encouraging us to step out of our comfort zones. Well, I have stepped out of my comfort zone. Are you happy now memes? Are you happy?!?