pregnancy

"Was it planned?" 35 women on what to never say to a pregnant person.

Pregnancy is not easy, but unnecessary comments from those around us (whether we love them or not) only make it all the more difficult.

Understandably, there are many people who have had kids before us who want to share their experiences - good and bad. There are also those who only mean to give well-meaning advice and while it's appreciated, it's never really all that needed. 

That's why we want to talk about all the things you should never say to a pregnant person.

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We asked our wider community to share their thoughts on the topic and the answers were... shocking.

Here's what they had to say.

Polly: "My friend showed really early in her pregnancy. From five months onwards, people kept saying, 'You look ready to pop!' DON'T DO THAT."

Laura: "'Wow you're HUGE!" Loved that one. Also, when a colleague asked me to turn around so she could see if I looked 'pregnant from behind.' Um, what?"

Madeline: "My sister is pregnant now and hates it when her parent-friends tell her, 'Oh, if you think you're tired now... just wait!" and my sister is like, 'Yeah, I'm growing a placenta and a baby - I'm tired! Stop being mean!'"

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Gemma: "People telling me, 'Oh well, you better get used to it, it only gets worse from here,' is not helpful when you're struggling with pregnancy fatigue. It just makes you feel even sh*ttier."

Claire: "I once said to a pregnant friend who was having a boy, 'Is it weird you have a tiny penis inside you right now.' It was not well received."

Gem: "I have had so many people try to tell me their really traumatic birth stories when they find out I am pregnant. Not... helpful. Pre-pregnancy? Bring them on. But while I'm currently pregnant? NO THANK YOU."

Sarah: "All the advice from what you should eat or drink to what you should wear or take to the hospital and whether you should do breast or bottle. It NEVER ended when I was pregnant."

Paula: "My sister-in-law got told by a waiter not to order something she wanted. He was a 20-year-old, and she obviously knew the dos and don'ts! To say she was absolutely fuming would be an understatement."

Megan: "I hated being asked if I had a name chosen. Yes, I do, but I'm not telling you."

Jade: "'You're tiny or you mustn't be far along.' These things may be said with the intention of being a compliment, but if you are already concerned about the size of your baby, you do not need to hear this. Just don't comment on someone else's body. Ever."

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Rioghnach"One person told me, 'My daughter is pregnant and I hope she doesn’t get as big as you.' I still had two months left to go. I wasn’t sure how to respond to that one!"

Read more: 'Please stop commenting on my pregnant body.'

Sandra: "'Isn’t it amazing how your body prepares you for no sleep.' Umm no, I’d really just like to sleep through the night whilst I can."

Bec: "Was it planned? Wow, you are huge! Are you sure that's the due date? You are so big, I don't think you will possibly last that long!"

Heidi: "'I need to tell you about my horrendous 39-hour labour, how painful it was, and that I had a massive episiotomy.' Or, 'I need to tell people about my fantastic four-hour labour where I went to the hospital at the three-hour mark and had the baby an hour later with no stitches.'"

Fiona: "I had twins. I was quite pregnant when an older lady asked me how many weeks I was. When I answered she said, 'Oh no dear, you’re much further along than that!' She said that obviously not knowing there were two babies. Okay, lady. I guess I don’t know how many weeks pregnant I am."

Karen: "I had a man (who was not a friend but a work acquaintance of my husband) tell me to start brushing my nipples with a wire brush to toughen them up for breastfeeding. No wonder I was petrified. The only thing a pregnant woman needs to hear is, 'You look wonderful.'"

Eliza: "I had three boys, was pregnant, and I was so hoping for a girl. I was open about that and shamed by so many for being open about it. As if when a boy arrived they weren't going to be adorned and loved! I was just being honest and that scared people, especially my mother-in-law. Our baby was later born and was a girl! Happy days!"

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Sally: "When I was 39 weeks pregnant with my first, a neighbour said to me, 'Oh my god! How are you still standing?! Your feet are so swollen and your belly is huge! You should have toppled over by now!' It was the middle of summer, I was hot, swollen, and heavily pregnant! Not what I really wanted to hear."

Claudia: "How about people simply refraining from asking you if you are actually pregnant? It is always embarrassing to tell them that one is not expecting!"

Nicole: "Don't comment on the size of the baby bump. I constantly heard, 'Oh you look so neat/small/tiny for twins!' Maybe people meant it in a good way but all I heard was, 'Are your babies even growing properly?'"

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Heidi: "I heard a male manager say to a pregnant lady at work, 'Are you sure there is only one baby in there?' I was shocked and she was so annoyed by that comment."

Rebecca: "Any version of, 'Oh, you just wait' to compare your situation to their comparatively 'worse' situation. Everyone has good and bad things in their lives in regards to pregnancy and parenting. It’s not a contest."

Dionne: "One of the teams of midwives said to me at a pre-birth appointment, 'Oh wow, you have so many stretch marks, are you embarrassed by them?' I have never forgotten her comment. My only reward was that while I was being rushed into surgery post-birth, she got stuck with my daughter's meconium poop."

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Orla: "An obstetrician said to me after a 36-week scan showing my first baby measured big: 'Sorry to inform you ma'am, but you’re not having a baby, you’re having a toddler.'"

Lisa: "'Have you got haemorrhoids yet?' No joke. Someone said this to me and I was more freaked out about them than the birth! I actually thought they were your intestines sticking out your other end which sounded quite traumatic to me."

Tamara: "'If you think you’re tired now, just wait.' I’m sure I’ll be tired when the baby comes, but I’m still tired now! That was also said to me by a 70-year-old man who I’m almost certain never got up with his baby."

Elise: "I had twins. Here’s what you should never ask a pregnant person: 'Are you having twins?' It’s basically just saying you look massive. But when those rude people did ask, I would say yes because I had not yet developed the backbone that I now have. They would then say, 'Oh my god! Good luck! Double trouble,' with a look of horror on their face. I now understand why they said it, but the perpetual negativity made the last moments of naive bliss tainted with so much sadness."

Melanie: "A security guard at my office told me all about how awful his wife’s birth was. The one line that stayed with me was, 'She was trussed up like a chicken - legs in the air - and they ripped the baby out!' It was not a great visual before my first birth."

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Chantel: "I’m currently pregnant with my fourth and the number of people who keep telling me how big I am for the number of weeks I am is starting to get a little annoying. My mum said, 'Are you sure it’s not twins?' My 82-year-old Pop said, 'You’ll be as big as a house by the end.' Thanks, family!"

Jo: "The midwife I saw every month kept telling me that I was putting on too much weight! It was very annoying as I was eating healthily and only put on 12 kilograms before I had a large baby. It made me feel like crap after every visit."

Nadia: "At the post office someone told me, 'You’d better go in front of me, love, I’d hate for your waters to break while you’re in the queue.' I was 30 weeks pregnant with twins!"

Louise: "You probably shouldn’t refer to someone else’s baby as 'the mistake' or 'the bastard' when they are pregnant with a surprise first pregnancy. I’ll never forget that."

Michelle: "Don’t say, 'Oh I bet you were hoping for a boy/girl.' As long as they are healthy, we are happy."

Marie: "'Is there just one baby in there?'  or 'What are you having?' I would always look dumbfounded and say, 'We are hoping for a baby.'"

What do you believe someone should never tell a pregnant person? Let us know in the comments below.

Feature Image: Getty.

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