couples

From never arguing to being 'best friends': 5 surprising things that are bad for your relationship.

You know those couples who always boast about never arguing? The kind that like to remind us regularly that their partner is, in fact, their 'best friend'? You know the ones. 

But while some couples might think fighting and not spending lots of time together is the sign of a bad relationship, it's actually really healthy. And it can do a lot of good things for your relationship and your connection with one another. 

Yes, really!

Watch: Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman are the definition of #couplegoals. Post continues below.


Video via Mamamia.

We spoke to psychologist Nancy Sokarno from Lysn to find out some of the most surprising things that aren't necessarily good for your relationship.

Grab your partner and let's get into it!

1. Not arguing.

While being on the same team as your partner and being able to work together is obviously really important, that doesn't mean you can't disagree with one another. 

In fact, according to experts, it's not only entirely normal to argue but also really helpful in order to navigate each other's preferences and needs.

"Disagreements or arguments in a relationship can be a useful discovery tool if it is constructive and managed appropriately," said Sokarno.

"The truth is, it’s virtually impossible to expect two people to agree on everything and sometimes the fun is that you don’t! Whilst most people might shy away from conflict, it can often be a great opportunity to learn more about your partner – their values, ethics and views on life."

Listen to this episode of Sealed Section, all about reconnecting with your partner. Post continues after podcast. 


According to Sokarno, understanding your partner in this way can strengthen your relationship by allowing you to complement each other and work as a team. 

"If you and your partner never argue there are a couple of things to consider. Firstly, consider whether you really are that similar and if your approach to life is the same? If the answer is yes, then that’s incredible and there is no need to fix something that isn’t broken." 

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If you never argue because one of you doesn’t speak up or you’re shying away from conflict completely, Sokarno said this can be detrimental in the long run. 

"You can end up with a long list of grievances or start to harbour resentment towards your partner which is never a good thing."

2. Being best friends.

Look at any Instagram caption, and there seems to be this emerging cliché that your partner should be your BFF. 

It usually goes something like this: "Happy birthday to this human - my best friend, partner in crime, soul mate...", "Can't believe I get to marry my best friend", "I love doing life with my best friend," etc., etc. 

And while it paints a pretty picture of companionship, it's worth knowing that your partner doesn't actually have to be your best friend. Really.

According to Sokarno, there are arguments both for and against being best friends with your partner.

"On the one hand, having such a strong relationship where you’re ‘besties’ with your partner could be viewed as a once-in-a-lifetime thing that shows you’ve found your soul mate."

"There is research that suggest those people who consider their partner as their best friend are much more satisfied in their relationship compared to those who didn’t."

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However, as Sokarno points out, there can also be downsides to being in a relationship with a best friend. 

"On the other side of this argument is the fact that we should be able to build dynamics outside of our relationship and this may hinder our ability to build boundaries in a romantic relationships," she said. 

Her expert opinion? Do whatever works best for you and your relationship.

"If you can have a strong relationship with your partner and you consider them your best friend, then there is no harm in that."

"Conversely, you can still have a strong relationship with your partner, but you don’t consider them your best friend. Either way is fine, so long as you both have mutually respectful views on the relationship and your values are being met."

3. Spending 24/7 together.

"If you do everything with your partner and have found that you’re constantly by their side, this isn’t always a good thing," said Sokarno.

That's because every healthy relationship needs space and privacy. Not only does it allow us to maintain individuality and check in with your emotions, but it'll also help you be a better partner.

"You need to be comfortable as an individual outside of your relationship and have time apart every now and then."

"The last thing you want is for your identity to be attributed to your relationship alone – try to maintain your independence, have some of your own hobbies and be comfortable having separate friends."

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So, take time for yourself - they might need it, too.

4. Avoiding hurting the other person’s feelings.

While most of us feel responsible for our partner's feelings, it's worth knowing that the more hung up you are on avoiding certain topics for fear of hurting your partner, the more it can stop you sharing your truth. 

And this kind of dynamic can really mess with a relationship.

"Most people would argue that you should never hurt your spouse’s feelings, however there are times when honesty should trump making your partner feel good," shares Sokarno.

5. Pretending you’re not attracted to anyone else.

Fact: You will attracted to other people besides your partner - and it's totally normal.

Sokarno said, "We all know those couples that pretend that they only have eyes for their partner. While this is good in theory, it is natural to occasionally be attracted to someone that isn’t your partner (it’s human biology)!"

"So long as that attraction is fleeting and you don’t act on it, it’s not the end of the world. In fact, sometimes it’s better to be open and honest with your partner and not suppress your true feelings."

Can you relate to any of the above? We want to hear your thoughts! Share them in the comment section below.

Feature image: Getty

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