When my three siblings and I were growing up, we were so addicted to The Sims that my dad had to enforce special rules.
You see, if left unattended, we’d play the game for about 27 hours without taking pee breaks or inhaling oxygen. Concerned that his offspring might die while living vicariously through simulated humans, my dear father made us write down what time we started playing on a piece of paper by the computer, and kicked us off after half hour intervals.
I know. Child cruelty.
I remember him talking about “fresh air” and “going outside” and “just living in the real world blah blah something blah”. Look, I don’t really remember. I just wanted to play The Sims and maybe buy the Pets expansion pack with my pocket money.
The first Sims game was released in 2000, meaning that if you loved The Sims, the chances are you’re a fully fledged adult now. Sorry.
In honour of the best game to ever grace this earth, let’s recap the best things about The Sims, 18 years on.
Killing all of your Sims… just… because
Seeing the Grim Reaper was a bit of a thrill, admit it. We all got an odd kick out of deleting the pool ladder when all of our Sims were merrily swimming. Or removing the bedroom door. Or refusing the let them eat. Or intentionally starting a fire.
I’d go on (oh, believe me, I could go on) but my coworkers have reminded this is the internet and “online psychopath” isn’t something I want appearing under my LinkedIn profile.
The rosebud and motherlode cheats
What? Me? Cheating by putting like $50,000 into my account every 10 minutes? Ne-ver!
Clicking “makeout” 118 times to make your Sims “WooHoo”
Pretty sure I was both an online psychopath and WooHoo addict. It was always a special thrill to see your Sims jab their arms and legs out of the doona after you forced them to make out for about seven hours in Sim time.
Make sure you have the volume on mute, though. Those sound effects can be a teensy bit awkward if a parent walks in to check “you’re still breathing in there”.
I wonder how Bella is? Or Mortimer?
I hope they're doing well. I hope they're still serious and kinda morbid and scary. I hope they're still rocking up on doorsteps without an invitation.
Gosh, I miss them.
Look, the crime rate was just unusually high
You will be robbed. And they will take your plasma TV. At least once a month.
When social services took your baby away
Alright, alright, alright, so my newborn has been crying for a few hours, that hardly means I'm a bad mother, okay? I'm just trying to practice this new parenting technique where I let her cry it out. I swear.
Oh, she hasn't eaten in two days?
My bad. I was sick of having a baby anyway. Take her away.
The car that took your totally basic Sim to work every day
I literally learned what Chili con Carne was from The Sims. I also learned that pancakes are an "always" staple food. Because of course.
What do you miss most about The Sims? Let us know in the comments...