An unexpected side effect of extreme weight loss is that it’s harder to get dates. I know! You’d think it would be the opposite, right?
After losing 67kg I was half expecting a romantic comedy montage-style life of never-ending meet cutes with dates scheduled back-to-back all weekend long – but nope. It’s been crickets.
When I was 152 kg, I got asked out all the time.
Granted I was living in Los Angeles at the time so the dating scene is very different to Australia, which is part of the reason I moved there in the first place.
When I lived in Hollywood, men would literally chase me down the street just to speak with me. This never happens in Australia. Meanwhile in LA, I’d get asked out at the supermarket, at the gym, in the Uber car pool, and even once while I was behind the barrier of a police standoff (yes, really).
Now I’m 84 kg and size 18 (still fabulously fat) but there’s no magical mic drop moment. Instead I’m left tapping the mic asking, ‘“Is this thing on?”
To be clear, it’s not that I need to be asked out by men in order to make me feel good about myself. It’s just that I noticed a big change since losing a massive amount of weight and between you and me, I had no idea why this was happening. That had been the only thing that about me that had changed.
Society tells us that slimmer is better and this reaction in the dating game was incongruent. Was I more attractive when I was fatter? I still feel the same, just less fat.
For months I couldn't figure it out. Why was it that the smaller I got the less interested the single men got? One night I finally ovaried-up and asked a male friend what the heck was going on. Well, I sent him a Facebook PM. I needed insider information.
"Well people are more confident hollering at fat chicks. They feel there is less chance of rejection so they are more bold," he explained.
Light bulb moment.
It’s not me - it’s them!
These guys think I won’t automatically say yes so they’re not even bothering to approach me.
Wow, I’d never thought of that.
This revelation reminded me of the 'fat chicks are easy' myth. Which by the way, as a fat chick of almost forty years, I can confirm is complete bull. You think fat chicks are easy? Go ahead and try to persuade a big girl you’re really into her and see how that works out for you. Good luck with that. Truly pursuing a fat chick isn’t a sprint, it’s a freaking marathon!
Great, so now I know this juicy piece of insider man-formation. What do I do with it? I certainly won’t be flipping the tables and chasing men down the street, asking them out in supermarkets or in the Uber car pool.
I will, however, take over the dating reigns from now on. No more plus-size passive dating from me. I am still on my 50 Fat Dates quest after all and newsflash, I’m turning forty next year so the time is now.
Here’s what I know...
If you do the same you get the same, so changes will need to be made.
I’m starting with Bumble (the app where women initiate the conversation). No more waiting around to literally be chased by men.
It’s time to shake things up and make the first move.
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