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Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette: The puppet is the most interesting contestant on this show.

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We open on the BOIZ chanting "BOIZ BOIZ BOIZ". 

A man allegedly named Andrew pretends there's an intruder coming in and then reveals a date card and honestly it's a laugh a minute. 

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Elly chooses Frazer's face for a single date. 

They go to the Blue Mountains because "adventure" and ride the scenic cable car and then they just... hang there. 

NOPE 

Later they sit on a feelings couch and talk about how they both want to be married for years like Frazer's face's parents and also have adventures and what not. 

They kiss and Elly gives Frazer's face a rose, and this is great and all but we'd like some drama and also some... gossip pls. 

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IT'S GROUP DATE TIME. 

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Let's pray to the reality TV gods that someone chucks a tanty. 

Nine of the guys turn up at a theatre to find Elly playing the piano and Becky playing the... triangle. 

"So glad we brought you on board."  

The sisters tell the boys they'll be participating in a "talent show" and this is definitely not going to end well. 

Becky goes to have a chat with Adrian while he practices his juggling skills. He tells her he's loving hanging out with the "dudes" and he doesn't want to the think too much about the future. 

The rest of the guys from the mansion arrive to watch the boys publicly humiliate themselves show off their talents. 

James gets his shirt off while Greasy Hemsworth balances some plates on a stick. 

Andrew legit just stacks it onto the stage, Harry sings a song that never needed to see the light of day, and Adrian does a s**t juggle. 

A small wooden man named Francesco talks about his growing connection with Becky and he's honestly the most interesting contestant we've met so far.

"WANNA MEET LITTNEY."  

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Then Joe gets his d**k out and dances around with some streamers.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Good times. 

Becky chooses Sam for the alone time, and Elly chooses Joe. 

Elly and Joe sit on a candlelit stage, while Becky and Sam sit on an old box backstage... 

UM.  

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WTF.  

Becky and Sam have a cute little chat and a kiss on their old box in the storage room. 

Meanwhile, on their candlelit stage, Joe is talking about that time he did a stuff up and didn't text Elly back. 

"VERY SILLY OF ME."  

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They laugh about what an absolute coincidence it is they both ended up on the same dating reality TV show and then kiss. 

Elly starts yelling "IS THIS FATE? IS THIS FATE?" and sweetie no, it's the work of approximately eight hardworking producers and one Osher. 

IT'S COCKTAIL PARTY TIME.

James be fumin' and he's not here to mess around pls. 

He pushes some old ladies out of the way to take Elly for a chat and tells the rest of the boys to pull their socks up. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Becky takes Adrian for a chat to find out whether he's actually there for her or the... boys. 

He tells her he wants to live for the moment and not think about the future and then he tells her he needs to go "cause of the boiz". 

Then he tells the camera he feels really comfortable with Becky and he's 100 per cent getting a rose. 

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IT'S ROSE CEREMONY TIME. 

The ghost of Osher walks in, and whispers that four guys will be leaving the mansion. 

In a shocking turn of events, Adrian receives Becky's final rose because... drama and also... gossip. 

Four men I have literally never laid eyes do not receive a rose. 

Osher's ghost ushers them out of the room and towards their limos. 

SEE YA IN PARADISE, I GUESS? 

Catch up on our recaps here: 

Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette episode 1: One man straight up refused to accept a rose. 

Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette episode 2: That was so embarrassing for you, Harry. 


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