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Mamamia recaps The Bachelor: IT'S GAME ON, B*TCHES.

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God, he's on a boat now. 

This show is... exhausting. 

Jimothy is taking a woman named Ash for a date. We haven't met Ash before because it's already episode three and she's yet to mention farting or shitting or any other bodily functions. 

They drive the boat to a deserted island and end up living there for four years and becoming best friends with a ball named Wilson. 

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It's an unexpected plot twist but good wholesome fun for the whole family. 

Ash asks Jimothy to guess her age, and it's awkward because he doesn't know any women's ages past 35. 

Ash pulls out a tiny boombox and they do a bit of pantless dancing (not a metaphor!) as Wilson weeps silently in the background. 

Jimothy gives Ash some binoculars to signify that he's not looking into the future anymore but is living in the present. 

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It makes zero sense, Jimothy, but I appreciate the gimmick. 

Jimothy gives Ash a rose because at no point does she point out to him that binoculars are a tool for looking at something in... the distance. 

BUT WAIT. 

We're back at the mansion and Sierah and her scrunchie have something to say: 

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"DON'T EVEN CARE"  

It's group date time! 

The women jump into two perfectly placed shiny blue cars and hit the road to find their Jimothy. 

"IT'S GREAT PRACTICE FOR OUR FUTURE INFLUENCER CAREERS."  

Jesus Christ. 

Jimothy is flying over a lake on a... fly board???

I HAVE ZERO TOLERENCE FOR THIS BULLSH*T  

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Osher explains that the women have to create a superhero character and make a costume for that character and then compete to see who is the best on the... fly board? 

Holly dresses up in a costume that Sierah describes as a "constipated chicken" and Sierah dresses up as Professor Pisser, because humour is her best quality you see. 

 

Carly gets the alone time with Jimothy and they talk about how good they are at looking each other in the eye. 

She gets a rose!

Everybody gets a rose! 

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IT'S COCKTAIL PARTY TIME CAUSE SIERAH'S GOT SOME S**T TO SAY. 

Jimothy arrives and the women scream in excitement because he knows how to walk on water and is contractually obliged to talk to some of them. 

Jimothy takes a miscellaneous blonde woman for a chat BUT WAIT, Jay is here with her key to the business lounge. 

She takes Jimothy into the business lounge and blindfolds him and feeds him gross things so he has to take off his clothes. 

They have a cheeky lil' business lounge kiss while the rest of the women do a yell about the 'girlcode' and how Jay is stealing their shared boyfriend. 

IT'S ROSE CEREMONY TIME. 

Jay gets the first rose, cementing herself as public enemy number one. 

Sierah makes all sorts of threats about how it's "bulls**t" and it's "every woman for herself from now on" before getting the final rose. 

She says it's "GAME ON, B*TCHES" and look, I... believe her. 

UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT. 

Keryn Donnelly is Mamamia's Pop Culture Editor. For more of her TV, film and book recommendations and to see photos of her dog, follow her on Instagram

Catch up on the rest of Keryn's recaps here: 

Mamamia recaps The Bachelor: A tense photoshoot leads to a confrontation at the cocktail party.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelor: One woman won't stop talking about how much she hates... pilots.

Feature Image: Channel 10.