dating

The stupidest fights we've had with our partners.

I glare at him as he puts the cheese on the cracker, a little bit of hummus on top of that. My eyes are hot as he takes a bite. I am furious. Absolutely raging.

My anger is irrational, I know. (As my mother would say I’m perfectly old enough, and ugly enough, to make my own cheese cracker.) But this doesn’t matter. It’s the audacity

I’m angry because I’m thinking about consideration. And how that person just completely failed to wonder if I was hungry. If I might like a cheese cracker. If I, too, might feel like some mushed up chickpeas and a slice of cheese.

“What?” he says. I bark back a response. Harsh. Angry. He knows I’m angry but doesn’t understand why because, really, it is just a cheese cracker.

I don’t think I even understand.

But we argue. And we go around in circles. And we argue some more. And finally I leave and I still haven’t eaten a cheese cracker.

Psychologists might suggest that the cheese cracker is not the issue here. That there is some deeper problem. That I’m really insecure about my appetisers. Or I have an ever-lasting fear of never-having-enough-snacks (the struggle is real).

“Often those pettiest of arguments are a symptom of unfulfilled needs, deeply rooted fears and insecurities. and unexpressed feelings,” relationship therapist Effy Blue told Broadly. “Instead of recognising our need for order and structure to feel safe and requesting [those things] from our partner, we pick an argument about the direction of the toilet paper. Instead of dealing with the weight of disappointment in ourselves having missed an anniversary or a special occasion, we cause conflict about whose turn it is to take the garbage out to deflect the pain.”

Definitely could be feasible.

But, knowing myself, and how barbaric I become when I’m hungry, I’d say I just really wanted something to eat, and probably – like we all do at times – I just really wanted to pick a fight.

Effy’s interview with Broadly was the introduction to an article about the stupid fights couples get into. I thought this was a great idea, so I asked around the office (and mined Reddit) for similar stories.

What is the stupidest, most ridiculous, mindless argument you’ve gotten into with a partner?

The responses were… enlightening. Proof that, really, at times, we can be our own worst enemy. Here’s what I learned:

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Food is a MASSIVE deal.

Our very first ever fight was because I wouldn’t share my Sprite with him in Thailand – they were like 50 cents and he wouldn’t buy his own. He still brings it up. I am a better sharer now. – Camila, 32.

We fight about the McDonald’s menu at the drive thru. She will stare at it for like five minutes. I’m like, “it’s McDonald’s, it’s the same food they have had for years, you’re going to choose the same thing you always have, why do you have to read the whole menu?” – YouBoreMeToDeath on Reddit.

An ex once broke down in tears because I asked him what was bothering him—he’d been acting weird lately—and he confessed that he was concerned that we don’t enjoy the same books and films and that’s “all that there really is in the long run.” He was also afraid I was going to gain weight and he’d be less physically attracted to me because I really like snacking. Sable on Broadly. 

And driving…

I had a fight with a boyfriend who drove past the cops in his mum’s white ford laser and gave them the finger and yelled to f off. He thought he was so tough – in his mum’s white laser. Sad. – Aimee, 48.

She got a flat tire while driving and I wouldn’t help her. I was in Boston. She was in Puerto Rico. – 5_Frog_Margin on Reddit.

Driving PLUS food? It’s all over.

We had a huge fight driving from Vegas to LA because he totally just DROVE PAST  a place where there was heaps of food. and then when he fought back I was like ‘ok you’re being suuuper judgy’. – Michelle, 26.

MM Confessions: The moment I knew it was over. 

Walking can also be difficult.

A boyfriend lost it at me once because I was walking too slowly and we missed the bus. Like he got really mad. – Gemma, 25.

Household etiquette is actually a war zone.

I got mad at my partner yesterday because his bathroom always has a wet floor so every time I go in there I get wet socks. – Riley, 36.

My boyfriend had a full-blown meltdown on Sunday night regarding the correct use of a kitchen sponge. It ended with me trying to tear the kitchen sponge in half, couldn’t, then we both started laughing. – Mel, 29.

An ex boyfriend and I had a fight because he wanted to show me the best way to fill up an ice cube tray and I said I was happy with the way I was doing it and he was telling me, as we both stood at the kitchen sink, that what I was doing was the most ineffective way to fill up an ice cube tray. So I deliberately kept going “woops, the ice cube tray is over flowing we better call the efficiency police”. – Lara, 27.

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I once washed a plastic container next to the sink which I assumed just had soapy water in it – turns out my wife had made “special bubbles” for our son and I ruined their plans… Silent treatment for three days. – Jack, 36.

I used a bowl to store some soup, because it was exactly the volume I needed, and it had a tight sealing lid. Apparently that bowl is only for storing baked goods. – Sexymcsexalot on Reddit.

All the things that cause arguments.

My ex once broke one of the legs of my wardrobe when I asked him to help me lift it while I was putting it together. I lost my sh*t unnecessarily. I cried for the wardrobe leg. #overreaction. – Sarni, 26.

One time I poured a juice box into my husband’s lap. I don’t even remember why….. or why I was drinking a juice box? – Sarah, 28.

We had a fight once because he got some pictures framed for my birthday present. I didn’t want the pictures framed, and I was angry because it cost a lot of money. Oops. – Rachael, 32.

My ex girlfriend and me got into a fight over which direction the arrow in “FedEx” points on the truck. I said back, she said front. Turns out it depends on which side of the truck you’re looking at. – bchillerr from Reddit.

And sleeping, sleeping is trouble.

I hug a pillow when I sleep. Guess who got jealous? – FriendlyBlanket on Reddit.

An ex boyfriend got mad at me for “ignoring him while I was sleeping.” I was asleep, and apparently rolled to the other side (facing away from him) and he was offended by that. So offended that he got up and left in the middle of the night. – PommyMommy on Reddit.

Don’t forget the pets.

My boyfriend left his medication open on the floor at my house one. I got so mad because if my dog had eaten it, I could never forgive him. We had a huge fight, with me yelling repeatedly: “Ned could have eaten that, and then what?” – Sam, 26.

He was sitting with my cat in his lap and directed me towards the cat’s back saying his fur was going brown. My cat is black and white and has no brown on him at all. I told my boyfriend I couldn’t see the brown and he started a massive argument, started googling pictures of brown cats and holding my cat up to the laptop to compare. I disagreed again and told him I couldn’t see it. He ended up going to sit in another room for about 2 hours because of how angry he was about the colour of a fucking cat. – Texasfuneral on Reddit.