All the Kardashians are pregnant. All of them. Probably even Kris and she’s 60. Probably even North and she’s, like five. That’s how this week feels to all the women who are struggling with infertility, who want to be pregnant but aren’t due to biology or circumstance or who are in the aftermath of miscarriage or stillbirth.
Your Facebook feed can be brutal at a time like this. All that happy news. All those Kardashian tummies full of babies. And yours……not.
Whenever there’s a big pregnancy or birth moment – a royal baby born, a royal pregnancy announced or yet another celebrity posting photos of their pregnant tummy or scrumptious newborn – my heart always goes to those women. The ones who feel like a knife is being twisted into them. If you’ve never experienced it, you will find that description melodramatic and maybe even absurd. What does Kylie Jenner’s pregnancy have to do with anyone else? How can someone’s baby news be anything other than joyful?
If you don’t understand, you’re lucky. I hope you never do. Because the grief and pain of not being pregnant or not being a mother when you desperately want to be is something that’s hard to explain. And whether it’s fair or logical or not, someone else’s happy news can feel like your heart is being squeezed. It can make you feel jealous and shattered and you can’t tell anyone because you are deeply ashamed that you are not able to compartmentalise your own feelings and your own situation from another woman’s joy. But you can’t. You simply can’t. Grief cannot always be compartmentalised and women are plagued by comparison syndrome in almost every area of our lives including our fertility. And so it goes.