"I just can’t bear one more touch”: An open letter to my husband about sex after kids.

Dear husband,

How was your day? By “day” I mean face-to-face intellectual conversations with other adults? Getting to drive to and from work in absolute silence or listening to a mediation session to help you unwind? Or even just little things like getting to think without constant chatter and interruptions?

How was my day, you ask? It started with a 5:30am wakeup call from our toddler stating she was awake and ready to start her day.

After dragging myself out of our bed and onto the sofa to drink the lovely warm coffee you had kindly made me before you headed out the door for work, our delightful daughter squeezed her cute little tooshie in next to me, making me spill my coffee all over my clean pyjamas and the sofa.

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Just as I got the coffee explosion cleaned up, our son had woken and was having a massive tantrum about me now sitting “in his” seat.

I finally got him calmed down and now both kids were perched on a knee each, blocking any view of the lounge room I had. The day continued in this manner with the kids using my body as a climbing frame and constantly chatting over each other getting louder and louder for my undivided attention.

At one stage when I tried to go to the toilet for some peace and quiet I ended up with all three kids, plus the cat and the dog, crammed into our already tiny toilet space.

When I was organising dinner I had all three kids sitting or standing in the kitchen because they wanted me.


Every time I went to take a step towards the fridge or oven one of them would be right behind me forcing me to trip and nearly spill our entire dinner.

At bedtime I had our darling toddler poke my eyes and plant sloppy kisses all over my face.

Then she proceeded to yell “mum, mummy” for the next 20 minutes before finally getting out of bed and climbing onto my lap for another squishy cuddle before I banished her to bed one last time.

This was when you finally arrived home and wanted to plant a kiss on my lips and give me a big hug to say “hello honey, I’m home”.

You then proceeded to tell me about your day and who you got to see and what cool things you got to do. Finally, when we headed to bed and I was just getting comfortable, you decided it would be fun to have some sexy time then got grumpy and sad when I told you no.

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This is the part you need to read.

I do want to have sexy time with you; I do want to enjoy the hugs and kisses you desperately need, I do want things to be how they were before we had kids but at the moment I’m exhausted. My body is everyone else’s but mine.

By the time we hit the bed I’ve had everyone in our house pull, poke and climb all over me and I just can’t bear one more touch. Please be patient with me; one day the kids will be all grown up and I will long for your touch again.

I’m not saying that you have to wait for the kids to grow older before we can have sex again – of course we will, and I’m sure I will enjoy it and have fun. I just can’t keep up with our pre-baby selves.

Our life has changed (for the best) and even though this time might feel like it’s going slow, it will pass.

Feature Image: Supplied.