There are a couple of magic ingredients you need to be able to have sex after birth and beyond.
In amongst the sleep deprived fog, being an immobile milk truck with an inability to finish a cup of tea while it’s hot the last thing you might feel like are sexy shag-a-thons. Let’s just say you aren’t alone if you send that right to the bottom of the priority list. I was pretty good at getting back in the sack after my first baby but not so much the second time around – having a toddler and an ‘overnight hourly alarm’ to feed was as much as I could handle. But after a couple of months it got going again and it needs to, not just for the sake of the relationship but because everyone deserves to enjoy sex.
I’m not saying sex is the only important thing in an intimate relationship, but it certainly is important. I know the times that my sex life is healthy in my relationship, not only do we get on better but we laugh more, are kinder, more considerate and we feel like us again not just “Mum” and “Dad”. Sex is one of the things that makes you and your partner an “us” – something that separates you from being just mates. It’s a way to connect on a deeper level separate to being parents.
So here are a few things that might help you get back on the horse:
People ought not to feel the pressure of the six week post medical check-up as the non-negotiable green light. When you are ready to have sex again will be different for everyone. I had medically “normal” births with no trauma so there were not as many fears around having something back in ‘there’ but it was still a cumbersome prospect! Such a decision needs a medical all clear but also a conversation with your partner, expressing any fears or concerns.
It might not just be the female who is scared to take the plunge, for most blokes they have witnessed unspeakable things happening to our lady bits, they might be feeling a little apprehensive about poking around down there and re-causing potential trauma. Ego has no place in the bedroom; chat about your fears, needs and desires.
2. Lube (non-negotiable).
There is a reason our bodies feel less like having sex after having a baby and it’s not just because the thought of having another person on you who isn’t a baby is worse than the thought of being carbohydrate, wine and sugar free. It’s also because nature knows we are not physically and or mentally capable of enduring another pregnancy for a while. So, if you haven’t found your mojo back don’t be hard on yourself and just be honest with your partner.