A very serious royal investigation into who baby Archie actually looks like.


When the first close up of Archie’s face popped up on Instagram over the weekend, the world promptly lost its sh*t.

Posting to the Sussex Royal Instagram for Father’s Day, Meghan and Harry wrote “Happy Father’s Day! And wishing a very special first Father’s Day to The Duke of Sussex.”

The image shows Archie with his tiny hand around Prince Harry’s finger and what seems like very light and possibly red hair.


Learn all about the royal kids… who are normal kids. Post continues below video.

“Rejoice! Little Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor has shown his face AT LAST,” royal enthusiasts cheered.

But their celebration may have been premature.

We strongly believe – for reasons that may or may not be entirely made up – that this was not, in fact, the real Archie.

While royal fans went into overdrive, frantically trying to figure out WHO THE BABY LOOKS MORE LIKE, putting the image through photo forensics in a desperate attempt to remove the sepia filter to see if he has red hair, we’ve figured out the truth.

It’s an impostor baby.

“He has Meghan’s eyes,” people exclaimed.

“He has the same face shape as Harry!” they claimed.

“His hand is curled just like the Queen’s was in her first baby photo!” they swore, and we’re sorry, but no.

It’s entirely clear who he looks most like, and we can’t believe we’re the first to point it out.


He looks exactly like every other baby in the entire world.

No really, look:


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Happy Father’s Day! And wishing a very special first Father’s Day to The Duke of Sussex! © SussexRoyal

A post shared by The Duke and Duchess of Sussex (@sussexroyal) on

I mean:

Here is another baby that looks just like a baby.


This baby also looks a lot like a baby.

The resemblance is so uncanny, we're convinced it's just a stock image of a random baby from the internet, much like the photos above.

Let's face it; it's a sepia image of a forehead, eyes and tip of a nose. That could be ANYONE'S hand and arm.

"But what about the last time photos of the baby emerged?" we hear you say.


We're calling it: that's nothing but a very realistic-looking children's doll.

We know a fake baby when we see one.


It wouldn't be the first time the royals have tried to pull a fast one on us.

In fact, we're pretty sure Archie was actually born in April, despite Meghan Markle and Prince Harry claiming he was born on May 6, 2019.

A likely story.

This leaves us with questions:

Where is the real Archie?

Is Archie even his real name?

Was Meghan Markle ever even pregnant?

Was the royal wedding even real?

We're onto you, Sussexes.

The truth will prevail.