Despite being a relationship coach, I didn’t have a list of red flags in mind when I started dating following the end of my first marriage.
This was categorically stupid on my part. I should have known better, but I was hurting and vulnerable, which meant I was primed to make a lot of dumb mistakes.
I have no shame today in telling you that I cried because mediocre, boring people didn’t text me back. That I went above and beyond for people who showed up in day-old sweatpants, and that I went on more than one date with people who catfished and hatfished me.
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All of us need some kind of 'beware' list when dating. If we don’t, we’ll tell ourselves, 'Oh, that’s not so bad,' or 'I bet that was just a one-time thing.' We’ll make excuses for them. We’ll waste our precious time and then get irritable and resentful.
Here is a list of the 12 most common red flags I followed when I was dating and that I tell my clients to look for when meeting someone new:
1. Poor listening skills.
Long-term relationships are built on intimacy. We share. We listen. We grow. It’s beautiful and awesome.
But that can’t happen if you aren’t heard.