I was 38 when my partner of seven years — the man I thought I was going to marry — came home and told me that he was in love with someone else.
The months — years, really — that followed were some of the darkest, most terrifying, most painful of my entire life. I truly didn’t think I would physically survive it, let alone recover any semblance of confidence in myself as a sexual being.
Hell, I didn’t think I was even worthy of love — anyone’s — at my lowest.
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But I found my way back to myself. Now, this is what I tell my friends when they find themselves in a similar situation:
Let it happen.
You’re going to be tempted to email, call, or text your ex at every opportunity. Like when the furnace stops working or you realise he left one of his socks in the laundry bin.
Don’t do it. No matter what.
Let me enlighten you to a little bit of knowledge that you aren’t going to believe at the moment: He doesn’t deserve to be in your life. His exit was the biggest blessing that could’ve happened to you.
I know this doesn’t seem possible. It seems like a big mistake. He’s such a good man, you keep telling yourself — he’s just having a momentary crisis. If you remind him of your life together with little, innocent notes every now and then, surely he’s going to wake up from this stupor, right?
No. I assure you, he made a decision and he is not going to change his mind. This is the real deal.
Do not waste your time trying to influence his behavior.
Listen to Mamamia's gen Z podcast, the Undone, on how to deal with a breakup. Post continues below.
One day you are going to be very clear about things that seem muddled and hazy right now. Yes, he actually ended your relationship in order to be with someone he barely knows because she’s young and hot.