Just writing that title makes me feel immensely guilty. What kind of a mother feels like that?
Only a bad mother, right?
How many mothers have lost their children and are walking around with gaping holes in their heart which will never heal?
How many women long to hold a child of their own in their arms but are unable to?
Side note: Here’s how the horoscopes do self-care. Post continues below.
I myself had kids after a lot of infertility struggles.
For years I constantly chased the stork, pleading it to drop its soft bundle into my womb.
We endured a lot to see those elusive double lines on a pregnancy test: years of invasive testing, 200 plus injections, crazy hormones, failed procedures, down payment-sized bills, not to mention the insensitivity of family members and acquaintances.
If you told me swallowing raw eggs with milk while standing upside down would do the trick, I would have done it.
Once a lady on a fertility message board proclaimed that if we emailed a spiritual person, she would work her mystical powers to help the person get pregnant. And I, of course, did email a total stranger. That’s how desperate I was.
I would do whatever it would take to scale that unsurmountable wall and become a mum.
Many moons later, I did become a mum.
I found great honour in this role that christened me ‘Mummy’ and called me to serve another life, that humbled me like no other, that made me swell up with pride like no other.
But there was the flip side too.
This role made me question myself like no other. Was I really mother material?
This role overwhelmed me like no other both mentally and physically, until I felt empty and numb inside.