Just before last Christmas, I asked my husband to leave. He was suffering from alcohol addiction. Our three sons were starting to be exposed to his behaviour and I asked him to get himself together. I was going to stick by him. I said, “I’ll give you a year, two years. Go and get some help. We’re all here for you.”
We were living in a $5 million waterfront home in Sydney. It was going to be our forever home, but I decided to put it on the market. I thought, “Let’s just get rid of debt. Maybe this guy needs a break.”
I needed access to the bank accounts. I had to really push for it. It dragged out until I threatened him with a lawyer and he sent me everything I needed.
Your Body After 1 Year Without Alcohol. Post continues after video.
There were three accounts that had just been closed down and that raised a red flag. I said, “Oh, well, maybe I should check them.” As soon as I mentioned that, I saw a side of him that I had never ever seen. He was really angry at me. He said, “You better not check those statements line by line.” I said, “Oh, yes, I will. Now I will.”
I had just gone into isolation with my sons and I started going over the statements. I discovered payments to escorts, once or twice a month, going back years.
There were top-notch escorts and brothels, taking escorts out for dinner, drugs, all sorts of things. He would spend $3,000 to $10,000 in one night, or in a two-day binge. I added up approximately $500,000.
I found that he had borrowed a lot of money from people, including his father, and that money went to fund his lifestyle.
He’d been living a double life.
He’s in the advertising industry. He’s charming, charismatic, the life of the party. Everyone likes him. He’s very generous. He’s always been a big drinker.
In his twenties, I thought it was normal. In his thirties, I thought, “Ah, he’ll grow out of it.” In his forties, it was next level.
He’d be out drinking, not coming home, booking hotels in the city. Family members would say to me, “It’s not normal,” and I’d say, “Yeah, but he’s stressed. He’s in the advertising industry. They’re always out, entertaining.” There was always an excuse.
He wouldn’t go to Alcoholics Anonymous. He didn’t think he had a problem. He’s a classic addict narcissist.
There was gaslighting in our relationship. He’d be like, “I’m going away for work tomorrow,” and I’d be like, “My God, again?” And he’d be like, “Yeah, I told you,” and I’d be like, “Yeah, you probably did.” I always believed him.