At a Royal Albert Hall event, Meghan Markle smiled for the cameras. As the lights went out, she wept.

This post deals with suicide and might be triggering for some readers. 

You likely remember the photos. 

On January 16, 2019, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry attended the Cirque du Soleil premiere of ‘TOTEM’ at Royal Albert Hall.

They looked sparkly and smiley. They were newlyweds and expecting their first child. They seemed, to an untrained outsider, happy.

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry attended the Cirque du Soleil premiere of ‘TOTEM’ at Royal Albert Hall. Image: Getty.

Now, in a damning interview with Oprah Winfrey, the 39-year-old has revealed she told Prince Harry, 36, just hours before the event at Royal Albert Hall that she was contemplating suicide.


“I just didn’t see a solution,” Markle, who is currently expecting their second child, told Winfrey. “And I realised it was all happening just because I was breathing. I was really ashamed to say it at the time and ashamed to have to admit it to Harry, especially, because I know how much loss he suffered but I knew that if I didn’t say it, that I would do it, and I just didn’t want to be alive anymore.

“And that was a very clear and real and frightening constant thought. And I remember — I remember how he just cradled me.”

The Duchess of Sussex said that after discussing her mental health with Prince Harry, the couple were scheduled to attend the public event at Royal Albert Hall. 

Watch: Prince Harry on Meghan Markle's disclosure to him that she was struggling with suicidal thoughts. Post continues below. 

Video via CBS.

“We had to go to this event and I remember him saying, 'I don’t think you can go and I said, 'I can’t be left alone',” Markle recalled of their conversation.

Oprah asked: “Because you were afraid of what you might do to yourself?”

"I thought it would’ve solved everything for everyone," she admitted.


“And we went and that picture, if you zoom in, what I see is how tightly his knuckles are gripped around mine, you can see the white of our knuckles,” the former actress said. “Because we are smiling and doing our job but we’re both just trying to hold on and every time those lights went down in that royal box, I was just weeping.”

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry at an event, just hours after the Duchess of Sussex says she shared her mental health struggles with her husband. Image: Getty. 

The Duchess of Sussex said the day after the event she went to a senior royal to ask for help regarding her mental health. Their response, she says, was that it “wouldn’t be good for the institution”. 


"I said that I’ve never felt this way before and that I need to go somewhere and I was told that I couldn’t," Markle recalled.

“I share this because there’s so many people who are afraid to voice that they need help and I know personally how hard it is to voice it but to voice it and be told ‘no’.”

The couple said the lack of support from 'the institution' ultimately led to their decision to step down as senior members of the royal family, and to forge an independent life in California, where they now reside with their son, Archie. They will soon welcome their second child, a baby girl. 

Markle said it was her husband's decision to leave their roles within the monarchy that "saved [her] life". 

"And now because we're actually on the other side, we've actually not just survived but are thriving," she says.

When Oprah asked if her story has a happy ending, she replied: "It does. Greater than any fairytale you've ever read."

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's interview with Oprah Winfrey will air at 7.30pm AEDT on Channel 10 tonight.

If you think you may be experiencing depression or another mental health problem, please contact your general practitioner. If you're based in Australia, 24-hour support is available through Lifeline on 13 11 14 or beyondblue on 1300 22 4636.

Feature image: Getty.

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