reality tv

No Dave Hughes, just no: The 8 worst guesses so far on The Masked Singer.

We’re four episodes into The Masked Singer, and many things have become evident.

First, it’s clear that Australian reality TV standards are not as high as we thought they were, which is… fine.

Second, it’s surprisingly difficult to identify a celebrity solely based on their voice.

But even still, we need to talk about some of the guesses put forward by the judges – Dave Hughes, Jackie O, Dannii Minogue and Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay has an excuse. The majority of The Masked Singer budget went towards securing her for the show, and as a result Channel 10 can now only afford domestic celebrities – none of whom she’s ever heard of. This means she keeps guessing people like Usher which is awkward for all of us.

But Jackie, Dannii and Dave have no such excuse. They know a) local celebrities, b) the nature of Australian television, and c) the reality of Channel 10’s budget.

SO WHY THE RIDICULOUS GUESSES.

Watch Nikki Webster get unmasked as the Alien on The Masked Singer. Post continues below.

Video by Channel 10

For example, Shania Twain, Lewis Hamilton, Charlie Sheen and Ed Sheeran are most definitely not on the show.

The guesses are so bad, it’s almost seeming as though the judges serve no real purpose…

via GIPHY

Behold, some of the worst guesses so far:

Shakira – Jackie O

No Jackie, no.

Think for a moment:

A titan of Latin Pop.

A multi Grammy Award winner.

A six-time Guinness World Record holder

Spider on The Masked Singer Australia.

One is not like the others, and we’ll let you guess which it is.

There is not a chance in hell that Shakira is underneath the arachnid’s spindly costume.

 

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Shoot day / día de rodaje para el #ShakiraFilm

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La Toya Jackson – Dave Hughes and Lindsay Lohan

La Toya Jackson’s name has come up for both Unicorn (Hughes) and Spider (Lohan), and guys… no. She’s a very talented artist in her own right, but why would the RnB legend go on an Aussie reality TV where her reveal would (let’s be honest) get upstaged by Nikki Webster’s?

Also, while Jackson did appear on the US version of The Masked Singer, it’s probably too soon for the Grammy award-winning songwriter to return to the full body suit. Give the woman a break.

 

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Schapelle Corby – Nazeem Hussain

Props to guest judge and comedian, Nazeem Hussain, for coming out with this banger of a guess for Spider.

While it’s true that both Spider and the convicted drug smuggler have faced backlash and public scrutiny, this also makes the clue that her dad ‘taught her everything she knows’ a little bit problematic.

Just saying.

 

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Serena Williams – Dannii Minogue

New mum and international tennis star, Serena Williams, is far too busy to perform in a Lion suit for our entertainment, and honestly Minogue should have known better.

True, Williams has “self discipline” and has the ability to ‘fight hard,’ but between competing in Grand Slams, being a Nike ambassador, running her clothing label, Serena, and taking care of her two-year-old, Olympia, she just doesn’t have the time to learn the lyrics to Billie Eilish’s ‘Bad Guy’.

And we can’t even hold that against her.

 

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Julia Gillard – Dave Hughes

Say what you will about Lohan judging a TV show whose contestants are mainly comprised of minor Australian celebrities, but her guesses have been closer than Hughesy’s, who tapped former Australian Prime Minister, Julia Gillard, to be Lion.

Aside from the fact that Lion is obviously Kate Ceberano, we hear the retired politician is currently hosting a very important and fascinating podcast for the King’s College London, and is thus doing more important work than singing pop songs in disguise.

However, on the topic of former politicians, we’re sure Sam Dastyari would be willing to be drafted for Season 2.

 

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Grant Denyer – Dannii Minogue

While Hugesy wasn’t wrong when he joked that Grant Denyer has been on his fair share of Channel 10 TV shows, Minogue’s guess just doesn’t hit the mark.

We get that like Dragon, Denyer is also a fan of racing sports, but the character’s height was listed as a hefty 172cm, which is apparently a whole 10cm taller than Denyer’s.

Aussie country musician, Adam Brand, on the other hand…

 

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Obviously I am the Unicorn on @themaskedsingerau ???? well done to those who guessed it ???? @osher_gunsberg

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David Hasselhoff – Dannii Minogue

Dannii… c’mon. While The Hoff has faded out of the spotlight over the recent years, he’s still got a long way to go before he does a stint on Aussie reality TV.

Of course, we can only hope that The Masked Singer is still around when that day comes.

The former The Young and The Restless soap opera star is currently promoting his latest album Open Your Eyes, so if you are craving his rocker, Brandon Flowers-esque voice, look no further than the music video for his single of the same name.

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Barry Hall – Dave Hughes

Sadly Rhino is no longer in the competition, with former rugby star Wendell Sailor identified as the man behind the mask, but we need to talk about this ridiculous guess by Hughesy.

After busting out a rap-heavy rendition of Flo Rida’s ‘Low,’ who the hell would choose Barry Hall – a 42-year-old, father-of-one – as the man who at that point had just sang the words:

Work the pole, I got the bank roll
I’ma say that I prefer them no clothes
I’m into that, I love women exposed
She threw it back at me, I gave her mo’
Cash ain’t no problem, I know where it goes

 

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Is that even legal?

That guess is almost as ridiculous as a nation dedicating two plus hours a week to watching B grade celebrities sing songs in outrageous costumes.

….Oh wait.

Who do you think is hiding underneath the masks on The Masked Singer? Tell us in a comment below.

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