real life

Group Therapy: We're newlyweds and he doesn't want to have sex...

The last time I had sex with my husband was the middle of the night a couple of nights ago; he’d woken up with a hankerin’ for some lovin’, and I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, happily surprised by this wake up call.

It lasted a total of about four minutes, and while he fell back to sleep more satisfied than I felt, it was nice to feel loved and wanted by him.

This is the reality of my 50 Shades of Grey. Not exactly worthy of a blog post- or even a paragraph of a blog post, but there you have it…

So whoever it was that said that men had a higher sex drive than women obviously didn’t take into account that women had ANY sex drive at all. I mean, I surely can’t be the exception to the rule in enjoying the occasional “cheeky” rendezvous? But surely enough, he’s ‘too tired’, or simply can’t be bothered with the physical exertion whenever I proposition him- I was once even told, ‘only if you do all the work.’ I mean, really? What does that mean?!

So we’ve been married almost a year, we are both young, still attractive and still in love, but suddenly all our “romance” has disappeared. When we first announced our engagement, all of his mates slapped his back and made jokes about him not getting any sex once the ring is on- you know the type I mean, like being married is the end of all things good and free in a man’s life. I took all this in good humour, knowing that there was no way it would make any difference to the way I feel about him.

What I hadn’t expected was for the tables to be turned and for him to be the one that no longer had a sex drive. And on the occasions that we do have some special times, it was usually after my suggestion, and usually ended once he’d has his share of fun and without bothering to lend me a helping hand…


Call me crazy, but I am feeling almost like I’m some sort of nymphomaniac by comparison- and usually have to ‘do all the hard work’ myself as it is anyway. So here it is, I put this to you: What do you do with the person that you love, when everything is perfect in every other department is perfect? We have the same values, dreams, ideals and have a great respect for each other, but all of a sudden we’ve gone so far south in the love-making department that I think it’s almost completely frozen over.

Before you suggest it, no he’s not having an affair: Yes, I am positive, and no I haven’t had to snoop through his phone/emails/wallet or anything else private to reassure myself. He loves me- of that I have no doubt- and he’s the most morally upstanding person I’ve ever met, and if he didn’t love me, he’s straightforward enough to tell me. I am not doubting his love, nor doubting our marriage or our relationship; I’m simply baffled at our bedroom antics, or lack thereof.

When did this occur? When did men suddenly stop wanting sex and settle for companionship? I don’t remember this being in any of the rom coms and romance novels. When does Christian Grey stop feeling his loins twitch with desire and start fantasising over a cup of tea and a discussion about how nice the garden will look with a few extra plants and the removal of an ugly hedge that gives us allergies? And since when did Prince Charming come home from a day at work to a dressed-to-impress Princess Charming and pat her nicely on the head and comment on how hot she looks, and then settle for a shower and sleep? Have I been lied to my whole life or is this some strange phenomena that is mysteriously plaguing my relationship alone?