rogue

Please, please do not put this LUSH eggplant emoji bath bomb in your vagina.

We’re halfway through January which obviously means it’s time to start thinking about what sexy things you’ll be doing this Valentine’s Day.

Yes, it’s a commercialised holiday. No, you don’t need gimmicky things to validate your relationship. But… it’s also not wrong to have fantasies about trench coats with nothing on underneath, role playing under code names in a hotel lobby or lighting a bunch of tea lights and making sweet love on a (faux) bear skin rug in front of a fire.

It’s in this spirit that LUSH have released a limited edition range of Valentine’s Day-themed products.

Among a massage bar called The Big Banana and a peach bath bomb that’s meant to resemble your bum, one product has caught our attention.

It’s called the LUSH Aubergine Bath Bomb and it’s a cheeky bath bomb shaped like the eggplant emoji commonly used when two people are deciding what to have for dinner, or more commonly, when they’re sexting.

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“Because sometimes words just aren’t enough… pop this bath bomb into the water and enjoy a steamy soak with uplifting bergamot, fruity ho wood and saucy litsea cubeba,” the reasonably priced $7.50 Aubergine Bath Bomb, which also happens to be vegan, reads.

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“So where do you put those?” a person named Craig commented on one of the product Instagram posts… with no emojis or any grammatical indication he was being sarcastic.”

The brand helpfully replied, “In the bath only, we hope!”

Here, in this comment, lies the problem with the Aubergine Bath Bomb you’d hope wouldn’t exist, but because all kinds of people make up our world, it does.

In other words, some people might think to use this eggplant emoji bath bomb as a dildo.

Firstly, please don’t. Secondly, please don’t.

You might think this would be obvious – to not put a phallic-like object made from a mixture of natural and safe synthetic ingredients like citric acid, bi card soda and alcohol into your vagina, anus or mouth.

But the fact a doctor has spoken out specifically about not doing so would suggest otherwise.

‘We would strongly discourage the use of bath bombs internally as these could disturb the fragile balance of good bacteria inside the vagina,” Dr Vaness Mackay, a spokesperson for the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, told Metro UK this week.

“This natural flora helps to protect the vagina and disrupting it could lead to irritation, inflammation, and infection, such as bacterial vaginosis or thrush.”

For anyone not aware, vaginosis is not sexy. Nor is thrush. They’re uncomfortable, sometimes even painful, and inconvenient. Left untreated, both conditions can also cause permanent damage to your genitals and reproductive system.

To triple check, Mamamia asked Lush to confirm the usage instructions for their Aubergine bath bomb and set the record straight.

Sarah Anderson, Trainee Customer Care Manager at LUSH Australia and New Zealand, said, “Our Valentine’s Day range was invented to celebrate the fruits of love and bringing big aubergine energy into 2019. We’re all about self love at Lush, but to get maximum pleasure from our Aubergine bath bomb you should dissolve it in a hot bath. The steamiest part of your soak should be the water!”

So yeah. Use the eggplant emoji bath bomb in the bath, not inside you.

Would you try this eggplant emoji bath bomb? In the bath, of course. Tell us in the comments!

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