'My husband has become kinkier than ever.'

My husband is in the mood for some sexy time and gestures for me to follow him to the bedroom. What’s on the menu tonight, I wonder.

As I lie there waiting, I can hear him shuffling around in his little black bag of tricks.

He seems to stop and make a decision. Soon I hear the sound of his penis pump in action. There’s a popping noise, which I’ve come to understand means he’s done. Turbo dick is ready for action.

In the past few years, my husband has become kinkier than ever. The problem is, I seem to be going the other way.

When we were in our 20s, I was the adventurous one. When a random woman propositioned us for a threesome in London, I said why not?

When the opportunity arose to have sex on a beach in broad daylight in Central America, I jumped on it, literally.

I remember when he was about 27 and I was 24, I asked him why he didn’t have more of a libido and he said sex just wasn’t all that important to him. Wind forward the clock to his 40s and it’s a different story. 

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I read that women’s sex drives may be strongest in their 30s and early 40s. A study found women aged between 27 and 45 typically had more frequent and intense sexual fantasies than older women, and more sex in general.


Men, on the other hand, tend to reach their sexual peak in their 20s, as high levels of testosterone boost their sex drive. From the age of about 35, testosterone starts to decrease, typically at about one per cent per year. This can affect their sex drive.  

I guess my husband and I are doing it all back to front. And as his appetite grows, so too does his desire to try new things.

Almost monthly, he comes home with a different gadget for the bedroom. Couples vibrators with remotes. Butt plugs in varying sizes. Cock rings and cuffs.

I’m not complaining, but I’m beginning to worry that I won’t be able to keep up. And part of me fears that I may be too vanilla for him as we get older. Too much of a prude. 

He keeps asking me to spice things up and pull something out of the bag, but I feel like there’s this wall up and I can’t quite get past it. 

It’s not that I’m unhappy with my body or anything like that. I guess I just feel awkward, which is ridiculous considering we’ve been together for almost two decades.

I know that I need to make a change, and I’m secretly scared he might start looking elsewhere if I don’t. It’s just a matter of working up the courage and getting outside my comfort zone.

So, am I alone in feeling like this? Like there’s this mismatch in libidos between the genders at different ages? I’d love to know. 

The author of this article is known to Mamamia, but has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons. 

Feature image: Getty.

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