Somewhere between lockdowns, masks and 11am press conferences, I lost my drive for sex.
Everything felt mundane and draining. Having sex just seemed like something someone with zest did, not someone who was wearing the same track pants three days in a row.
Lockdown life doesn't exactly set you up to be overtaken with lust. I was stuck in a tiny terrace with my lovely boyfriend, and we were both just trying to cope with the overwhelming feeling that our lives had shrunk. We'd gone from date nights, friend catchups and weekends away to lounge hanging and googling if we were both allowed to go to the supermarket or just one of us.
It was an overwhelming time for a variety of reasons and it left me feeling depleted not sexy.
But then lockdowns lifted, life returned to a new normal, and my libido still felt low. I had assumed that once life began again, my sex life would too, but it just didn't. It was like I'd turned a light off and now couldn't find it again to flick it back on. I was perpetually living in darkness.
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For ages, I just waited for it to change again. I figured as life resumed, my sex drive would pick up and things would just be fixed. But it didn't really change. It wasn't like I was having no sex, but much less sex, and I rarely felt like sex. Sex became something I did if I remembered to do it: kind of like buying toilet paper or getting an annual dental check-up.
It was also stressful with life resuming. Social hangouts felt daunting, heading to work practically felt like a voyage and everything felt very tiring. Plus, I'd gained weight during lockdown like most people, and I was adapting to a new body. I didn't magically feel like a weight had lifted when restrictions eased. Basically, I thought more about how on earth I would work in an office again and less about oral sex.