Mamamia recaps Love Island UK: Teeth have never been talked about so flippin' much.

Can I pull you for a chat? Where’s your head at? Are you putting all your eggs in my basket?

That's right, the time has come for the summer season of Love Island UK which fans more accurately refer to as the Good Season™️ of the reality phenomenon.

As the long-running series shows little sign of slowing down, two seasons are now released each year: a summer season in Spain, along with a winter season filmed in South Africa, and traditionally, the additional season is a comparative flop. 

But who cares! It's time to discuss the season that just kicked off, as we welcome a whole new bunch of fresh faces, 'me on paper' people, mugs, and *checks notes* bellends. 

Watch the trailer for Love Island UK right here. Post continues after video.

Mamamia is doing weekly recaps of this year's Love Island because let's be real: recapping every single episode which air six nights a week would be a full-time job. I'm a superfan but I also value my sanity... well, sorta. I do still spend 90 per cent of my free time watching this s**tshow. 

Being a fan is a gift and a curse, so let's jump into the premiere! 

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From the outset, something is amiss. 

Boys are going into the villa to mix with the girls, instead of staying in a segregated group who must communicate only when lined up in front of each other like some type of sick military drill.

BUT NOW THE BOYS ARE GIRLS ARE SHARING A DRINK??

WHAT ON EARTH. 

Maura may not be in this season, but her face tells us all we need to know about Love Island 2023. Image: ITV.

But times they are a changin' and this season, five women and men are mingling before the other five are sent in. Like the 2022 season, the public have already matched up the couples so we can avoid that excruciating moment where the men and women pick each other based on their body parts.

So who are the islanders about to capture our hearts, minds, and basically all our time? 

Highlights include Mitchel who described his profession as a “gas superhero”, Ruchee and her aversion to white skinny jeans on men, Andre saying he likes a “big bum bum” on a woman, George thinking Casanova is a brand of car, and Jess proudly declaring that she's looking for a man with "turkey teeth". 

Turkey.... teeth? Turkey. Teeth. TURKEY TEETH?!!!

Apparently, she is referring to people who get veneers in Turkey. This show never fails to scale the heights of unrealistic beauty standards. Who would have thought that teeth could be out? Turkey teeth are in! 

As more men and women file in – under-boob abounds – everyone is acting like living in different London postcodes is akin to residing on either side of the Berlin Wall. Babes, it's a 15-minute Uber ride. 

I will make a notable mention of Tyrique: he is very hot, but he’s not just a walking red flag, he's an entire red flag parade.

The couples are matched as follows: Mehdi and Ruchee, Molly and Mitchel, Catherine and Andre, Ella and Tyrique and finally, Jess and George. 

Jess is stoked. 

Image: 9Now + Mamamia.

There's already a bit of drama brewing as Ella says that she's met Tyrique before. They later hint that they probably hooked up, but he forgot all about her. He's a real charmer. 

She moves on weirdly quickly from this and they get to know each other. Molly and Mitch are by far the only couple who appear to be well matched, with Jess and Ruchee making it obvious that they're not exactly overjoyed with their respective partners, George and Mehdi.

By the end of the episode, host Maya Jama appears to dare the women who are not happy with their couples to step forward, and Jess and Ruchee do. This show is truly so savage at times, I'm getting whiplash. 

The episode ends as Zachariah arrives, our first bombshell who plans on stealing one of the women at the next recoupling ceremony. 

It's a brand new day in the Love Island villa! In bed last night, Mitch and Molly had their first kiss and spoon. Andre and Catherine are solid but before we get too comfortable... by the end of this ep, she’s shifted her affections to newbie, Zach.

Ruchee says that “a little bit of rudeness” is important in relationships. Every season, my expectations around women on this show continue to plummet. 

Jess ain’t keen on George, instead she's into Mitch but also Zach. Basically, anyone who is not George. George does seem quite boring. I’m bored just talking about him.

Tyrique and Jess have a flirty exchange that involves Tys barely looking at or interacting with Jess. I think it's love! Ella wishes them well!

Image: 9Now + Mamamia.

The first challenge is here. It's a fairytale-themed task where contestants reveal their secrets. “Forget Jack and his Beanstalk, you haven’t seen mine yet,” Andre declares during his turn. 

I've never been more attracted to anyone. 

“Girls, forgets these bunch of Shreks and watch me flex,” Mitch instructs. By the way, this was by far the most clever of all the intros.

My favourite secrets revealed were that Catherine kissed five guys in one night (I'm impressed) and Molly once used her friend's handbag to unblock a toilet (I have questions). 

Back at the villa with the boys, Tyrique compared Catherine kissing five boys in one night with him having sex with over 100 people. This is totally the same, Tys, says the man who couldn't remember hooking up with his own partner, Ella.

I'm still thinking about Catherine's five men probably learning about each other this episode, supporting a queen who values her right to pash with wild abandon.  

Image: 9Now + Mamamia.

Catherine has the ick after Andre became territorial so they're over. The ick claims another. Zach picks Catherine at the recoupling, and they connect by complementing each other’s vibe over and over and over again. 

George hits on Ruchee after he runs out of women who will endure him. After the ceremony, Zach and Andre discuss their shared girlfriend.  

Tyrique and Jess are getting flirty again, as he says in a confessional that talking to her is “mad easy”. 

Just when things are looking dire for Andre, he gets sent on date with bombshell Whitney. The date goes well. However, at the cocktail party that night, Whitney scolds Andre for not telling her she looks nice, and nail technician Ruchee scolds him for not embracing nail art.

It’s a complicated time for Andre. 

Image: 9Now + Mamamia.

 Tyrique friendzones Jess, he then relays the convo to his match Ella and they pash to celebrate Jess’ broken heart.  

Mitch and Molly kiss in full view of everyone, and he's started calling her 'his girl' which is pretty much as committed as an engagement in the Love Island villa.  

The group plays a game that involves getting in random sexual positions and making out with each other. 

George wishes they were playing UNO. Same George, same.  

Mitch tells Whitney he’s ‘closed off’ to other women but awkwardly, Molly is still thinking about the steamy kiss she just shared with Zach in the game. 

The next day, Molly breaks down to Ruchee when discussing how she has trouble sharing her true feelings with Mitch. May I remind you, this is only episode four.

Maura's as confused as me. Image: ITV.

Get it together, Molly!

Molly grabs Zach, and she says she hates that people think she’s coupled off with Mitch. Meanwhile, Whitney and Mehdi flirt up a storm. New couple alert??? (Omg, who am I.)

Ella gets a text for a date with a new bombshell. The boys are freaking out over what the new boy will look like, which leads Mitch to reveal he doesn’t know who Hugh Jackman is, a man who George considers the pinnacle of handsomeness. He is correct.

Bombshell Sammy describes himself as “looking tasty”, he then tells Ella that for his job as a project manager, he puts a "tasty little suit on". Keep that to yourself, sir!

Ella returns to tell Jess that Sammy is her type but warns her he doesn’t have turkey teeth. Yes, that's a sentence I just typed. 

Molly is next on the date but she doesn’t try to reassure Mitch before leaving so he’s freaking out. Just in case you were wondering, Molly is not closed off! She’s very open! She tells Sammy this! He didn’t ask! 

Quick! Listen to this episode of The Spill, all about Kourtney Kardashian's most awkward moment. Post continues after podcast.

Jess is picked last, and the villa descends into chaos. Someone is going on a date! This has never happened before, except for twice already that day. 

“You’ve got mad eyes,” Sammy tells Jess, which I think was a compliment but it definitely sounds like an insult.  

Back with the group, when Sammy is asked whether he'll try to crack on with women already coupled up, he says “If the girl's tasty then things are getting sticky!”

Every time Mr. Tasty talks, I wish he didn't. 

Mr. Gassy Vs Mr. Tasty, pick your side. Image: 9Now + Mamamia.

At drinks that night, Sammy cheerses to himself being in the villa. Because, of course he does.

He grabs Molly thinking he has a chance with her – get in line Mr. Tasty! Mitch is fuming after hearing from Sammy that Molly said she was open to new connections. By the way, this is episode five. 

Mitch tells Molly that no one compares to her but “I’m not f**king with it” anymore (???), so he encourages her to explore other connections and says he doesn’t want to cuddle any more in bed. 

Molly leaves the conversation in tears. 

Mitch tells Jess what happened, and she accuses Molly of playing him. This might be time to remind viewers that Jess started the season crushing on Mitch so she might not have the purest of intentions in slagging off Molly. Just a thought! 

Molly starts a conversation with Zach by saying 'you don’t have to say something'. He agrees there are going to be 'other days to have conversations'. Good talk!

Maura strikes again. 

Mitch and Catherine vent to each other about their mutual jealousy. 

New day, new drama! Ella reveals to the other women she's smitten with Tyrique. Whitney susses out George, she says he’s got layers and he clarifies that he’s a lasagna. 

George then brags that he won't cross the road when cars are coming. Okay, himbo confirmed and coincidentally, I’m now very attracted to him.

Recoupling ceremony time! Ladies pick and while most of the couples are predictable, Molly saves Mitch so maybe there’s still hope for these two crazy kids. 

Whitney saves Mehdi, sending George home.

Will George ever discover pedestrian crossings when he gets back to the UK? Will Molly ever close herself off to anyone? Will Jess ever find a man whose teeth hail from Turkey? Will Sammy ever use the word 'tasty' correctly?

Find out as Love Island UK returns this week, innit! 

Feature Image: 9Now + Mamamia.