I stumbled across Lisa Curry’s Instagram post this morning as I started work. And before I knew it I was crying.
Not only because of the tragic story of her daughter, but because the way she wrote about grief rang so true to me.
I was instantly transported back to a moment six and a half years ago when I lost a close friend of my mine very suddenly.
I was freshly 21 at the time, and was in Paris with my family on a big family holiday we had been planning forever. I still remember the shock.
“You can’t test for heartache” Lisa writes after the tragic loss of her daughter, so sick from the grief she’s in hospital.
Instantly, my own memories came flooding back to me.
When I found out about my friend Maddy passing away, I don’t think I really believed it for a few days. I continued our trip almost like nothing had happened.
Then I got sick. So sick I was basically bed ridden for close to a week.
There was nothing technically ‘wrong’ with me. It was purely my body's reaction to the grief. I’d never experienced anything like it.
What I learnt through this, and something that has stayed with me, is the fact that grief can feel different for everybody. And that in itself can be quite isolating.
As Lisa writes on her Instagram, the stages are never linear.
"In the (written) stages of grief, there is shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression, the upward turn, reconstruction and working through, and, acceptance and hope. You don’t go through each one and tick it off - they overlap, they come and go constantly."
The saying ‘time heals all wounds’ can be surprisingly true. There are weeks that go by and I don’t consciously think of my beloved friend. Before you know it you are just - living, coping.