This article deals with accounts of pregnancy loss and addiction that could be triggering for some readers.
In 2014, Lily Allen contemplated doing something that could easily have changed the course of her life.
The British singer was the supporting act on Miley Cyrus' Bangerz Tour and, speaking to The Recovery podcast, she said it was an environment that left her feeling alienated, frustrated. Having recently had children, she felt divorced from the "highly sexualised" nature of the tour and struggled to reconcile her place within it.
"I was sort of like re-entering this phase of being a pop star again but not doing it on my terms anymore. I was supporting this girl who was much younger and more attractive than I felt," she said.
She started leaning on alcohol, abusing it, and cheating on her then-husband, Sam Cooper. Then, one night in California, came the tipping point.
"I remember being in LA," she said, "and thinking, like, 'None of this acting-out is working anymore. Maybe I should try heroin,'" she said. "[I] knew that when that thought popped into my head it was time to confront my demons."
Lily Allen speaks about cheating on her husband with female escorts on The Project. Post continues below video.
Allen had always had a complicated relationship with alcohol and drugs. She started drinking as a teenager at boarding school, and while she didn't enjoy the feeling of being drunk, she enjoyed the attention that came with it.
"And I think I became addicted or co-dependent at that point," she said, "because I started getting my value from [the] attention of others and that is something that has played out until relatively recently, really."
Once she rose to fame in 2006 with the release of her debut album Alright, Still, alcohol and drugs, particularly the prescription stimulant Adderall, offered an escape from the absurd tabloid criticism about her weight and singing ability. But it also deepened her feelings of worthlessness.