rogue

What Kath, Kim, Sharon and the rest of the Fountain Gate crew would be up to in 2019.

In the mid-noughties, like the rest of Australia, I spent a lot of time at Fountain Gate Westfield looking for a “throo for ma cartch”.

I was also very well acquainted with a “footy frank”.

I used the words “hornbag” and “foxy” a lot.

Here’s some words of wisdom from Kath and Kim to celebrate. Post continues after video.

Whenever I received good news I yelled “This calls for BBQ Shapes and a bottle of Baileys!”

If my friend asked me my opinion on something they were wearing I’d say, “It’s nice, it’s different, it’s unusual”.

It was a glorious time.

Then as quickly as it began, Kath and Kim was over and their banger quotes slowly slipped out of my repertoire.

But now the foxy ladies of Fountain Gate are back on Netflix.

While they’re stuck in 2007, we’d like to think this is what they’d be up to in 2019:

Kath Day-Knight.

kath and kim netflix australia
"It's just $250 for the starter kit."
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Three months ago, Kath accidentally joined a multi-level marketing company after she attended one of their information sessions on the promise of "free Chardonnay and little baby cheeses".

She's now their CEO.

When Kath isn't running Boden & Shields, she's sharing some accidentally racist memes on Facebook. She doesn't know who this Clive Palmer is but she quite likes his billboards.

Kath's managed to maintain her "trim figure" through reformer pilates and only eating the testicles of Bavarian sheep - just like Pete Evans!

Kim Craig.

kath and kim netflix australia
There's rumours Kim pashed Trent's dad behind the wedding marquee.

After Brett cheated on Kim (again) she appeared on the 2019 season of Married at First Sight.

She married a guy named Trent who had a neck tattoo and a very keen interest in lizards.

Things were going great for the couple until they attended the first group dinner party, where Kim met Shane.

After a few too many Chardonnays, Kim and Shane started dry humping at the commitment ceremony and John Aikens had to make the difficult decision to... keep them in for at least another four weeks for ratings.

Six minutes after they left the show, Kim and Shane broke up. She's now endorsing teeth whitening products on Instagram and hoping to get into "the media industry".

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Sharon Strzelecki.

kath and kim netflix australia
"FOOTY FRANKS FOR EVERYONE."

Sharon took her own advice, realised all men were a waste of time, and developed an even keener interest in sports.

After becoming president of her local netball club, Sharon decided to throw her hat in the ring for prime minister.

She won.

So far, Sharon's had two bills be successfully passed through parliament.

The first bill ensured netball was played in every Australian school and the second bill ensured that footy franks were sold in every school canteen.

Kel Knight.

kath and kim netflix australia
"Our seasoning was on point."
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After one visit to the local farmer's market in 2014, Kel became quite the "foodie".

In 2016, he and Kath appeared on My Kitchen Rules, where his gluten free paleo sausages got them to the grand final. They lost out to two sisters from the Gold Coast after Manu complained that there wasn't enough sauce on the sausage.

Kel is now selling his sausage line nationwide through Coles.

Last year he grew a mo for Movember. It was an exciting time for him.

Brett Craig.

kath and kim netflix australia

After Kim cheated on Brett on the telly... twice... he turned to the internet for help.

There he found a group of nice fellas who just want their missuses to shut the f*ck up and stop bleeding them dry.

Brett is now on a mission to make sure the Australian public knows that white men's lives matter too.

He works at Retravision... sometimes.

Epponnee-Rae Craig.

kath and kim netflix australia
Eppy's hoping to launch her own fake tan line soon.
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When she was 15, Epponnee-Rae posted her first makeup review on YouTube. It got one million hits overnight.

She's since quit school and is a full time influencer.

Her boyfriend, Jared, has just been stood down from the Magpies for sexual misconduct. She's standing by him.

Prue and Trude.

kath and kim netflix australia
"I'd still touch his hammer."

After a few tough years in the homewares market, Prue and Trude decided it was time for a sea change.

They now live in Byron Bay and sell $600 karrrftans to mummy bloggers.

Last week they spotted Chris Hemsworth at the local Woolies. He's shorter in real life.

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