James Van Der Beek’s powerful message for miscarriage sufferers.

 

“It will tear you open like nothing else.”

These are the deeply emotional words of a man who, along with his wife of eight years, has suffered the heartbreak of miscarriage three times.

Dawson’s Creek star James Van Der Beek made the harrowing revelation on Instagram over the weekend, beneath a photo of him and his wife Kimberly cuddling their three-month-old daughter Gwendolyn.

While his words speak of deep-seated loss, he has one message he hopes will shine through: no one should be blamed.

The 41-year-old father of five is urging the use of the word ‘miscarriage’ be addressed to remove the underlying insinuation of blame upon a woman.

“‘Mis-carriage’, in an insidious way, suggests fault for the mother – as if she dropped something, or failed to ‘carry’,” the actor pointed out.

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“From what I’ve learned, in all but the most obvious, extreme cases, it has nothing to do with anything the mother did or didn’t do. So let’s wipe all blame off the table before we even start.”

The post went on to shed light on the grief he and his wife endured in the wake of each experience, but he also speaks of hope, describing the way sufferers can ‘recognise beauty’ as they piece themselves together again.

“It’s painful and it’s heartbreaking on levels deeper than you may have ever experienced. So don’t judge your grief, or try to rationalize your way around it. Let it flow in the waves in which it comes, and allow it it’s rightful space. And then… once you’re able… try to recognise the beauty in how you put yourself back together differently than you were before,” he wrote.

“Many couples become closer than ever before. Many parents realise a deeper desire for a child than ever before.”

He invited followers to join the discussion on the subject and share their stories ‘along with a new word’, hashtagging ‘#WeNeedANewName‘.

You can read the full post below:

 

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Wanted to say a thing or two about miscarriages… of which we’ve had three over the years (including right before this little beauty). First off – we need a new word for it. “Mis-carriage”, in an insidious way, suggests fault for the mother – as if she dropped something, or failed to “carry.” From what I’ve learned, in all but the most obvious, extreme cases, it has nothing to do with anything the mother did or didn’t do. So let’s wipe all blame off the table before we even start. Second… it will tear you open like nothing else. It’s painful and it’s heartbreaking on levels deeper than you may have ever experienced. So don’t judge your grief, or try to rationalize your way around it. Let it flow in the waves in which it comes, and allow it it’s rightful space. And then… once you’re able… try to recognize the beauty in how you put yourself back together differently than you were before. Some changes we make proactively, some we make because the universe has smashed us, but either way, those changes can be gifts. Many couples become closer than ever before. Many parents realize a deeper desire for a child than ever before. And many, many, many couples go on to have happy, healthy, beautiful babies afterwards (and often very quickly afterwards – you’ve been warned ????). I’ve heard some amazing metaphysical explanations for them, mostly centering around the idea that these little souls volunteer for this short journey for the benefit of the parents… but please share whatever may have given you peace or hope along the way… Along with a new word for this experience. #miscarriage #WeNeedANewName #MoreCommonThanYouHearAbout @vanderkimberly

A post shared by James Van Der Beek (@vanderjames) on

Van Der Beek has five children with Kimberly; Olivia, seven, Joshua, six, Annabel, four, Emilia, two, and three-month-old Gwendolyn. Earlier today, he posted this playful photo of his four eldest children making breakfast:

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