If we’ve learnt anything from tonight’s episode ofBachelor in Paradise it’s that a) you can still get sunburnt on an overcast day in Fiji and b) there isnothing cuteabout a man telling you he wants to “carry you around forever so you won’t ever have to walk again”.

NOTHING.

Yet these were the words uttered by Ivan during his courtship of Tenille and excuse us while we try not to vomit all over our keyboards.

Oh but it got worse. He then proceeded to FOLLOW HER INTO HER BEDROOM WHILE SHE WAS IN THE TOILET. And then just waited… without saying a word…

NO. No no no no no no.

Just when we were starting to recover from him ripping out and stomping on precious Conga Line Brittney’s heart he had to go all Wolf Creek on us.

Tenille – RUN LIKE YOU’RE BEING CHASED BY A PRODUCER ON NICK CUMMINS’ SEASON OF THE BACHELOR.

Never forget.

Here's how Twitter reacted to Ivan, the new Bachie stage five clinger:

Ivan would definitely ask Tenille for a joint Facebook account after four dates #BachelorInParadiseAU

— Ashley Weidner (@bigash65) April 23, 2019

Ivan would definitely click refresh three times an hour when tracking a parcel online #BachelorInParadiseAU

— Ashley Weidner (@bigash65) April 23, 2019

Calm your Avocado Farm Ivan #BachelorInParadiseAU

— Chans (@february_starz) April 23, 2019

Dad just said "you couldn't even go to the milk bar without Ivan wanting to come too" which is a very specific but accurate remark #bachelorinparadiseau

— francesca kenneally (@del0reangray) April 23, 2019

Ivan would definitely come to your house unannounced late at night and just let himself.......ohhh shit #BachelorInParadiseAU

— Ashley Weidner (@bigash65) April 23, 2019

is ivan the tallest toddler in existence? probably but i haven't met all the toddlers in the world yet #bachelorinparadiseau

— gay space princess (@alllydia) April 23, 2019

a girl shrieking and saying OH MY GOD! is not exactly a good sign, ivan #BachelorinParadiseAU

— Geeta Sharma (@bored_ignored) April 23, 2019

Tenille: I want to see other people too. You get that right? Ivan: I've bought a joint burial plot for us. #BachelorInParadiseAU

— Peter Johnson (@P_Johnson9) April 23, 2019

#BachelorInParadiseAU Ivan just waiting for Tenille. Mate it’s been FOUR days. pic.twitter.com/wGyUiqUaXA

— Sasha Dougherty (@SashDougherty) April 23, 2019

It's too late to tell yourself to "be cool" once you've crept into a chick's room and listened to her piss, Ivan #BachelorInParadiseAU

— Nat (@bishcheese) April 23, 2019

Ivan is a STAGE 10 CLINGER. #BachelorinParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/8JwAVRSEH7

— ???????????????????????????? ???????????????????? ♥ (@goldcoastgrace) April 23, 2019

And, as we are after every night in paradise, we are left pondering the greatest mystery of the Universe:

WHY ARE THE WOMEN WASTING THEIR TIME ON IVAN AND BILL WHEN AMERICAN ALEX IS STILL THERE DOING SQUAT THRUSTS?! #BachelorInParadiseAU

— Lauren Edwards (@laurenvedwards) April 23, 2019

IT DOES NOT. MAKE. SENSE.