real life lock Subscriber Exclusive

'My boss left his wife for me. Then he started taking secretive phone calls.'

As told to Ann DeGrey 

When I was in my mid-20s I made the mistake of having an affair with my boss when I was working as his PA. It was a whirlwind of emotions, decisions made in the heat of passion, and a life I thought I wanted. But now I'm in a place I never imagined, dealing with the aftermath of an affair, as well as the echoes of karma my friends and family love to remind me about. 

When I first started working as Timothy’s PA, I was instantly attracted to him. He had dark hair, blue eyes and dimples. He also had a very intense gaze, like he really cared about you. I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight, but it was definitely something similar.

He was charismatic, and he just oozed confidence. He also had that classic air of authority and power — at least within the organisation — that was very hard to resist. I’d been with my boyfriend for five years and, while I always described our relationship as "great", the fact I was able to fall for Timothy so quickly, was proof to me that things had grown very stale with my boyfriend, and I started to withdraw from him almost immediately. That was my first mistake and my biggest regret, as my ex now has a happy family life; a life that I wish I now had. 

The excitement I felt around my boss was absolutely intoxicating. I started to dress just for him, I’d choose my outfit and think to myself, "Would Timothy like this?" He always paid me compliments, telling me I looked lovely, so I felt valued in a way I hadn't felt in years.

It started when we began having regular Friday lunches together, sharing stories about our week. Then, as we got to really know each other, we'd talk about our dreams and frustrations. He also confided in me that he was on the verge of leaving his marriage and I also said that I was planning on leaving my boyfriend. One night, after a particularly stressful day, he kissed me and from that kiss onwards, there was no turning back.

Watch: Mamamia Confessions: Relationship deal-breakers. Post continues after video.

Video via Mamamia.

Our affair was incredible, the sex was like nothing I'd experienced before and my love for Timothy really consumed me. He was all I ever thought about and I started to get jealous about his wife, and asking him when he was going to leave her. 

I was blinded by the passion and the attention he showered on me. I started to believe that leaving my boyfriend for him was the right choice. I convinced myself that what we had was love, and it was worth any sacrifice. So, I ended my relationship, Timothy ended his marriage and within weeks, I moved in with him.

The first few months were blissful. He made sure that I wasn't working for him anymore so that we'd keep work out of our relationship, so I got a new job elsewhere. He proposed to me and we were married the following year. 

After just six months of marriage, I started to notice that he was spending more time at work. Plus, he'd often talk about his new PA, Donna. I'd met her and didn’t see her as a threat — I felt that I was more attractive. The signs were there — the late nights, the secretive phone calls, the growing distance between us. He was starting to treat me the same way I used to treat my boyfriend before I left him for Timothy. 

I confronted him, and he admitted to having an affair with Donna. My heart shattered as I realised I’d left my partner for a man who couldn't be faithful. I felt like a fool, and absolutely alone. My friends, who'd warned me against the affair, were very quick to remind me that this was karma. One friend even said I deserved this for breaking up my previous relationship and getting involved with a married man.

Hearing that hurt more than I expected. I'd already lost so much, and now, it felt like I was losing my support system too. I knew what I'd done was wrong, but my friend's judgment made the pain worse. The last thing I needed was a lecture on karma.

I moved out, found a new job, and began rebuilding my life. The process was very painful, but I kept pushing forward and growing stronger. I also decided to forgive myself for the mistakes I'd made and to stop seeking validation from others.

Looking back, I realise that the affair was a wake-up call. It forced me to confront my insecurities and the unhealthy patterns in my relationships. While the experience was awful, it taught me valuable lessons about loyalty, and the consequences of my choices.

And as for my ex-husband/boss? He's still with his new PA, probably repeating the same cycle. But that's his karma to deal with, not mine.

Feature Image: Canva.

Unlock unlimited access to the best content for women