I can imagine what you’re thinking.
"If you weren’t on the same page about having kids, why did you get married in the first place? Surely that’s an example of an irreconcilable difference."
Believe me — now that I’m divorced, I fully understand I should never have married my husband. Hindsight makes that obvious.
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But in the beginning, I naively thought love and time would conquer the differences between us. I hoped the idea of having kids would grow on me, like a song you begin to love after hearing it enough times.
I get it now. It was selfish to act on that hope. I should have spoken up the moment I realised I couldn’t match my husband’s enthusiasm about kids.
After all, he made it clear from the start that not wanting a family would be a deal breaker. I ignored the significance of that deal breaker because I was too afraid to lose him. Instead, I kept trying to mould myself into the wife he wanted.
The whole time, I wasn’t just lying to him. I was lying to myself as well.
When I met Jayden at a mutual friend’s party in spring 2010, I was instantly smitten. His rugged looks combined with his gentle good humour pulled me out of my shell.
We retreated to a private corner away from the other guests. There, we chatted and flirted all night. Later, several of my friends commented they’d never seen me looking so love struck.
But there was one problem.
He wanted kids. I didn’t.
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A few days into our entanglement, I learned Jayden was a family man who wanted to be a father almost immediately.
In contrast, I didn’t feel ready for parenthood. A few years prior, I’d had an abortion, and I was still recovering from the associated trauma.
That put me in a difficult position. Jayden said he wasn’t interested in a serious relationship with a woman who didn’t want kids very soon. Having kids was one of his biggest priorities in life.