User Comments

mamamia-user-459038664 January 25, 2021

I guess this is working for you right now. But it's something I would never do. If you are living with someone who steals your joy, why live with them ? Kids are a lot more sensitive to the dynamics between their parents than you give them credit for. Do you think this is a good role model for them ? There are many advantages to 50/50 parenting. It's easier to have quality time with your kids. A lot of non custodial parents only get to see their kids one day a fortnight. I wish you well in whatever you decide to do in future.

mamamia-user-459038664 January 18, 2021

How is that justice ? The justice system absolutely sucks

mamamia-user-459038664 January 17, 2021

People should think twice before asking this question. I don't think there's anything wrong with choosing to be child free. There are enough people populating this earth as it is. And not everyone wants to have children. Also there are those who have tried to have children, but either had no results, or else suffered heartbreaking miscarriages or stillbirths. Such questions could really hurt someone. One of my sons, who is 32, has often said that he doesn't want children, because he hasn't met anyone yet who he would trust to be the mother of his child or children. For me, also, if someone asks me if i have children and how many, this question can be painful. As I Unexpectedly lost my oldest son a year ago. I say that I have four children but one has passed on. As you say, surely there are more interesting things to discuss. 

mamamia-user-459038664 January 16, 2021

That mother is too idealistic. And she is causing possible psychological damage to her younger son, by letting him speak to his monster of an older brother. If one of my children had done what that monster did to his little sister, I would completely cut them out of my life and never allow them any contact with my other children. I hope that monster rots and dies in prison.

mamamia-user-459038664 January 11, 2021

@mamamia-user-459038664 part 2

I found out from friends that day, that yes, my husband had been seeing another woman all that time, and that she was an older woman from work, who he had pretended to dislike. Only a couple of weeks or so later, after moving somewhere else for the day, my baby was born 2 and a half weeks early. He probably couldn't stand the stress either. The rest of the story gets worse before it gets better. 

mamamia-user-459038664 January 10, 2021

To all those parents complaining about their toddlers: You aint seen nothing yet. For me, the teen years were by far the worst. Especially with my daughter. By the time she reached 14, she was an absolute monster, to me and her younger brothers. Every day when I got home from work, she would scream and swear at me for no reason, and call me the most vile names. She regularly demanded that i buy her things; even when she knew i had very little money to spare. She snuck out at night and smoked weed and cigarettes with an older woman and her mates. One time, the police brought her home in a divvy van, because I had to report her missing. She would bring these really awful, criminal kids to our place while i was fast asleep, and she would feed them her little brother's school snacks. She physically hurt me if I didn't give her her own way. She didn't snap out of this until she was around 21 and had been living away from home for a while. My sons were much easier to handle as teenagers. Although my middle son did go through a phase where he kept stealing money from me. I don't think it was until he started working himself that he realized the implications of what happened when you stole money from people. I'd had to explain to him several times that he had stolen part of the rent or bills money, and that I didn't always have the money to replace what he'd taken. 

mamamia-user-459038664 January 9, 2021

Why do you bother staying with someone who so obviously makes you so unhappy on so many levels ? 

mamamia-user-459038664 January 9, 2021

You sound a bit cold. Show some pity. It is a mere matter of months since you told your husband that you want a divorce. Personally, it took me a few years to get over both of my divorces. And you still living in the same house is like rubbing salt into an open wound. Give the guy a break. He is grieving. You should move somewhere else, agree on a parenting plan and stick to it, and stop going to counselling together. Give your husband the space to get over this in his time. You also mention that the kids are upset from seeing and sensing what happens when you and your husband are in the same space together. This should be another incentive for you to move out. Depending on the kid's ages, when you drop them off, stay in your car and watch them go in the front door. And when you pick them up, stay in your car and wait for them to come to your car. This worked very well for my second ex husband and me. Try to limit the contact you have with your soon to be ex husband as much as you can. This will help, over time, for him to gradually accept this new situation. And for you too.

mamamia-user-459038664 January 9, 2021

Both of my ex husbands were love bombers. At first, I felt like I was in a magical fairytale. Until I wasn't. Then, for a very long time afterwards, I felt as if there must have been something very wrong with me. I know now in hindsight that there was not. Love bombers put in a lot of effort to try and snare their prey. Then, when they believe they've snared their prey, they just can't be bothered anymore. Often they start looking for new prey by then. 

mamamia-user-459038664 January 8, 2021

I know exactly what you mean. My first husband left me, and I left my second husband. Both times I experienced intense sorrow, just as if someone had died. I feel like I should be called a widow, rather than a divorcee. Breaking up is messy. 

mamamia-user-459038664 January 8, 2021

So very sad. What a waste of a life.

mamamia-user-459038664 January 8, 2021

$300 is way too much to spend at the hairdresser. My local hairdresser just charges me $25 for a cut and wash. I buy Olia hair colour and colour my own hair. It works fine. Depending on if it's on special or not, it costs me anywhere between $10 and $20. 

If you have a hairdressing college near you, you could always get your hair cut and coloured there by students who are under the strict supervision of their teachers. I used to get my hair cut and coloured at the Melbourne college of hairdressing. The prices were very low, and the treatment was very professional. 
I also don't like grey hair, especially on myself. I think it makes people look washed out and older. 

mamamia-user-459038664 January 5, 2021

When my middle son was a teenager, he was way too kind and giving to his friends. We were living in a small two bedroom flat. He sneakily moved two of his friends into his bedroom. I just could not get rid of them. One was a Fijian guy and he paid his way and was fairly tidy. Although he did have the electric heater on constantly, which added to the electricity bill. When he finally moved out, I demanded that he paid me for the excess electricity charges. 

The other guy was absolutely horrid. He was a skinny, whingeing, little white junkie. He only showered every two or three months. You could tell when he had, because the tiles around the shower/bath would have grey soap scum bubbles all over them. He sold some of my dvds that I had won in a competition. When he went to the toilet, he always left a layer of sloppy poo all over the back of the seat. He never ever cleaned up after himself. I had to permanently leave a spray bottle of strong disinfectant next to the toilet, so that I could clean it. I only charged each of them $50 a week to cover food and bills. One day, he was whinging and carrying on so much about our food being so called inedible, and could he just pay me $30 a week instead, and he would buy his own food. I let the whinger have his way. Well, in spite of this, he still ate our food anyway. 

mamamia-user-459038664 January 5, 2021

I had two miscarriages in a row when I was 39.  I can vividly remember how solemn the ultrasound doctor sounded when he told us that the fetus was not viable. The aftermath was months of sorrow and depression. I don't think anyone understood what I was going through. Some people close to me hurt me with vicious and ignorant comments. Finally at the age of 40, I gave birth to my youngest child. I had another miscarriage two years later. My now second ex husband was revolting to me. 

Keep trying. I wish you the best.

mamamia-user-459038664 January 4, 2021

Your son is only six years old, so try not to despair yet. Maybe try to talk to him less, and show by example more. When he does or says something kind, praise him. My kids were also brutally honest at around that age. They gradually grasped the concept of and importance of kindness and empathy as they grew older. Maybe even introduce him to the concept of empathy: you know, when you try to imagine how you would feel if someone had done or said something nasty to you. Walk a mile in my shoes. Best of luck for your family x 

mamamia-user-459038664 January 4, 2021

Why not just cut your losses and let go of it ? Surely you must have other lovely memories of your beloved grandmother. The more you ask your ex narc husband for the dress, the more pleasure he is probably getting from your distress. 

mamamia-user-459038664 January 3, 2021

The concept of dieting can be very restrictive. It's better to just eat and drink healthy foods and drinks as a way of life. And to have some treats in moderation. And not feel guilty about it. I'm so sorry that you are suffering from lipodema. It sounds very uncomfortable. I hope your doctor is giving you effective treatments to help you with it. Best of luck.

mamamia-user-459038664 January 1, 2021

For most of my life, people would endlessly tell me how beautiful I looked. Some would even say that they thought that I was "too beautiful", that it hurt their eyes to look at me. That didn't mean that I was golden though. My parents still abused me and found ways to chip at my self esteem and trust daily. People would pick on me for my deformed thumbs and thin body. I made the mistake of getting my hair cut short at 12, and suddenly realised that my hair was actually very frizzy and curly and fly away. I got teased about my hair until it grew longer again and was easier to tame. I had small boobs until i got pregnant. So people would call me flatsy and other horrid names. My first husband told me I wasn't his ideal woman because I was too short, had small boobs and supposedly wasn't intelligent enough for him. Truth was, I was actually more intelligent than him. A boyfriend I had while I was still losing the baby weight from a baby I'd had just months before, told me that my legs were too short and my bum was too big. My bum was actually quite flat. For years, I was never happy with whatever size or shape I was. Most of my life I was slim, sometimes as little as just 45kg. It didn't make me happy. Now that I'm 63, I don't think of myself as ugly or beautiful. I just think of myself as me. You sound beautiful to me.

mamamia-user-459038664 December 28, 2020

Your friend is probably jealous of your life, and feels inadequate in hers. Hence her brutal comments. I hate it how in our culture, women often make a habit of putting other women down. Instead of building each other up. While my children were young, it seemed like, no matter what I did, I could never win. When I stayed at home with my children, people would criticise me for being a "dole bludger". When I was working, people would criticise me for "neglecting" my children. You are not doing nothing by being a stay at home mum. You are doing a very precious and valuable job. Be proud.

mamamia-user-459038664 December 26, 2020

I'm a size 22 and I wouldn't wear this dress. Seeing how it looked on the size 24 lady was disappointing. I also don't like to wear clothing that is too tight around my tummy.

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