User Comments

mamamia-user-459038664 January 27, 2022

I've given up on looking for decent plus sized clothing instore. Depending on what type of clothing it is and the fit, I wear either size 22, 24, or 26. It's very rare to find anything beyond an 18 or 20. Finding coats or jackets in size 24 or 26 is like trying to find hen's teeth. I'm forced to trawl various online sites in my pursuit for clothes in my size that look halfway decent. My bra size is 22c. I've found it extremely hard to find that size. Most size 22 bras come in a d or dd at the very least. But these look loose and baggy on my chest. I feel like I have to apologise for having a smaller than "usual" cup size. I have found an online company called shein, which has a really good plus sized selection of clothes. What I really detest also, is people who try to tell us about all of the things we need to do to lose weight. How do they know we're not already doing these things and more ? And the skewed reasoning behind not producing more nice plus sized clothes: that we don't deserve to clothe our "overweight", "disgusting" bodies in nice clothes and that this should be an incentive to make us lose weight. Oh, and the constantly recited statements that obese people are more likely to die of this or that. Show me some real facts.

mamamia-user-459038664 January 23, 2022

I didn't know one thing about perimenopause or menopause when I first started going through it in my late 30's. I just thought I was finding it harder to cope with stress. I made the mistake of getting married for the second time. The added responsibility of that, plus having my fourth child at 40, added to the hormonal and emotional changes that came post pregnancy and pre menopausal, caused me to become an insomniac, extremely touchy and emotional and teary. My periods came every 3 weeks, so I was always in one or the other uncomfortable part of my menstrual cycle. I spotted in between periods. My guts were always sore and uncomfortable. I was pushed into going back to work full time when our baby was just 8 months old and still breastfeeding. So I had to wean him. The marriage and the job didn't last very long. Too much pressure. I think i started getting the hot flushes by my mid to late 40's. It lasted around 10 years. That was the worst part of menopause for me. It was often embarrassing and agony. Haven't had them for at least a few years. The weather now affects me the same as everyone. I am now 64. I do mourn the loss of my waist. 

mamamia-user-459038664 January 12, 2022

When I was just 7 years old, my parents used to leave me in charge of my younger siblings aged 5, 3 and 1. So that my parents could do the weekly grocery shop. It was okay, except that, as soon as my 1 year old sister realised that mum wasn't around, she would run outside, throw herself on the ground, and scream at the top of her lungs. Me, being a kid, would sometimes sit on her legs and just tell her to shut up. Mum always gave me a roll of lollies to give to my sister if she acted up, which she always did. 

mamamia-user-459038664 December 24, 2021

I stopped going to family gatherings years ago. Too overwhelming. And when I found out about the untrue rumours and malicious gossip that my sisters and mum had been spreading about me, that was it. When my mum went into a nursing home, I did visit her now and then, with one of my sons for back up. The main reason i visited her was because she was very old and in poor health. When she was turning 80, one of my sisters tried to guilt trip us into going to mum's 80th birthday party, because she said that mum wanted to see us all together. I declined, and visited my mum at the nursing home instead. My younger brother told me that, sometimes when he visited her, our mum would still say negative things about me. He tried to stick up for me. I always felt that while my mum did care about me, she never liked or understood me. I now have my own small family circle that i celebrate birthdays and christmas with. My kids and my brother and his girlfriend. That's all we need.

mamamia-user-459038664 December 24, 2021

I too know the curse of being labelled pretty or beautiful. I used to feel like people could not see or acknowledge the real me underneath the surface, and that, apart from being pretty, i was worthless. Sometimes i was even told that I was "too" pretty or beautiful. A couple of guys even told me that it hurt their eyes to look at me. What a backhanded compliment. The father of one of my kids even said that I was the most beautiful woman he'd ever been with. But he said it in a way that sounded really negative. My first husband initially worshipped me, but within a couple of years was telling me that i was not his ideal woman because I was too short, my boobs were too small, i was not sophisticated, and was not intellectual like he supposedly was. He himself was quite unattractive. Throughout my life, many guys have raped me or tried to rape me, or made disgusting comments at me. It is only since becoming old and overweight, that this now hardly ever happens. I don't think being pretty is a privilege at all. 

mamamia-user-459038664 December 10, 2021

Is there someone who can help you during the times when you can't look after your daughter ?

mamamia-user-459038664 December 8, 2021

I've been stalked before. It's a particularly cruel and devious form of oppression. The creep even moved from one side of Melbourne to another, to a place just a few streets away from me. He then harassed me on the bus every morning. He even rang up one day, screaming abuse at me, claiming that I'd give the cops his name with regards to the Mister Cruel case. Which I hadn't. If it was true that he was a suspect, that was even more reason to be wary of the creep.

mamamia-user-459038664 November 21, 2021

Brodie is my daughter's sister in law. I remember her long journey to get to this point. I am so proud of her and so glad that this law, which could help many families, has been passed. With love xoxo

mamamia-user-459038664 November 20, 2021

That's really sad and concerning that some of the kids are still living in squalor.Surely something more could be done for them.

mamamia-user-459038664 November 14, 2021

There's boredom and there's boredom. Sometimes it can lead to creativity and resilience. Sometimes it can lead to destructive behaviour. Also not all adversity produces equal results. Sometimes, it can lead to strength and resourcefulness. Other times, it can cause severe mental scarring and permanently affect one's psyche and personality. As the oldest of eight children, who grew up in an abusive household, and whose parents were migrants, who had lived through world war 2, we were all affected by our dad's constant abusive behaviour. We were all resourceful, but we were also all shattered psychologically. Some of us formed addictions. We all developed mental illnesses. One of my brothers, who had a life long, very strong addiction to drugs and alcohol, committed suicide. 

mamamia-user-459038664 November 11, 2021

At a very vulnerable time in my life, I joined some born again christian churches. At first, they helped a lot with my depression, anxiety and suicidal tendencies. But after a while, I noticed how biased, judgmental and hypocritical a lot of the members and leaders were. This includes a lot of the worship team members. They were supposed to channel god when they were singing, and not be proud or arrogant. But instead a lot of them were very arrogant and acted as if they were rock stars. 

Single mothers were looked down on and were expected to sit up the back of the church. These churches were really into enforcing traditional, old fashioned roles for men and women. Women were expected to be obedient to their husbands, even when their husbands were wrong. Women were expected to cook home made dishes and bring them to events. Men were never asked. I just used to bring a packet of fairy cakes. They spoke against witch craft, yet had some witchy kind of practices themselves, such as talking in tongues and prophesysing. I will never go to any church again. I believe in a god, in angels and the power of love and positive thought.

mamamia-user-459038664 November 5, 2021

My first mother in law was an absolute angel, who died too soon. I still miss her. My second mother in law was a bit of a psycho. She had a bit of a codependent relationship with her son. After the first time she met me, she apparently had screamed abuse at my now second ex husband. He had been dumped by a woman he had been engaged to a couple of times, and his mother had said that she would pick his next girlfriend for him. And that she would not let him go out with anyone who had " the package deal"; meaning a single mother. I was a single mother, and the bitch screamed at my ex that how did he know how many men I'd been with and how many I'd lived with. For the first time ever, he told his mother to get f....d and didn't speak to her for weeks. When we were going to get engaged, his mother took me to lunch and questioned me like a drill sergeant. She asked me if I was pregnant, or if I could even get pregnant. I later found out that one of the reasons my then husband married me was to impress his mother and give her a grand child, as she kept on pestering him to give her a grandchild. Not that she even liked babies. She was just jealous of her sister and her friends, who all used to boast about their grandkids.

mamamia-user-459038664 October 30, 2021

Some people can be so mean and cruel. These kinds of people will look for anything to pick on, even when the person being picked on doesn't have a visible difference. I have deformed thumbs, also known as clubbed thumbs, which I hide inside my hands whenver I'm around other people. This is because people have rudely gasped in horror when they saw my thumbs, and have even picked them up to look closer at them. Because of the short nails on them, some people even assume that i bite my nails. Some people straight out say that my thumbs look like big toes. Thank you for sharing your strength and perspective.

mamamia-user-459038664 October 16, 2021

You are lucky that you're with such a good man. My second husband was 11 years younger than me, but he turned out to be absolutely hopeless. By the time I'd figured out that a lot about him was actually one big, fake act, we'd been married for a while. He actually looked older than me. He begged me for children. I later found out that this was mostly because he wanted to please his mum, who had been hounding him to give her some grand children. He was a cross between a toddler and an old man. He was still quite attached to his mother's apron strings. This caused a lot of problems. He was not supportive of me at all during my two miscarriages and when i was finally pregnant with our son. Even though he said he'd love them as his own, he was awful to my three other children. He smoked, binge drank on weekends, and blew money that we didn't have, at the pokies whenever we had an argument. He did help with the washing, cooking and dishwashing though, which did make things easier. However, all of the care of our baby son fell to me. We only lasted about 4 or 5 years. I don't blame our age difference. But I do blame the fact that we were too different and his mum, who kept sticking her nose in where she had no business to.

mamamia-user-459038664 August 7, 2021

My childhood was very similar to yours. However, my dad was not an alcoholic. He did have addictions, like cigarettes, eating grated soap, drinking lots of cold strong black tea with lots of sugar, and spending lots of money on himself and his hobbies instead of spending more on his wife and kids and the household. He had a possibly undiagnosed mental illness, and showed all the traits of a narcissistic psychopath. There were 8 of us kids and he was constantly screaming at us that he hated us and wanted to shoot us all dead. The ptsd has affected all of us in different ways. I understand very well how hard it is to live a "normal" life after living a totally fractured, negligent and violent childhood.

mamamia-user-459038664 August 7, 2021

One of my sisters had the lapband surgery, and later on, the gastric sleeve. She went through a lot of pain and discomfort afterwards. But she is the healthiest she has been in decades. She told me that a number of her health conditions have actually been cured, including sleep apnoea. I wish you all the best in your journey.

mamamia-user-459038664 August 6, 2021

I am the same height as you, though I used to be 2 inches taller when I was younger. One of the "joys" of old age. I think having store mannekins so tall is unrealistic. Probably explains why jeans and other pants are always way too long for me, I can never buy maxi dresses because I trip over them. Even midi dresses often end up being a bit long. My first husband, who was 6 feet 2 inches tall, was continually telling me that I was not his "ideal" woman, and one of the reasons was because I was "too short". He left me, two weeks before I had our second child, for an older woman from work, who was maybe 2 to 3 inches taller than me. A couple of months after that, still shedding some of my baby weight, I was seeing another guy. He was also constantly criticising my body. He said my legs were too short, my bum was too big, and I was dumpy. 

Thank you so much for sharing this article. Kylie Minogue is only 152 cm tall and Dannii is 157cm tall, yet they are presented as stunningly beautiful and talented women. The acceptance and celebration of "short" women needs to become more widespread. This includes clothing stores stocking a larger variety of sizes, that not only cater to a person's width, but also their height and proportions.

mamamia-user-459038664 July 31, 2021

Luckily you finally saw this so called friend for what she really was. She has probably gone hunting for new victims since then. I worry about what kind of effect she might have on her children. 

mamamia-user-459038664 July 31, 2021

I had my children when I was 22, 25, 30 and 40. Two marriages and a relationship in between. I don't regret having any of them. I was actually grateful for the structure and focus being a mother gave to my life. I am closest to my youngest son, who is 23. If you regret folding up all those socks and clothes, maybe you should get your kids to fold them up themselves, and to perhaps do their own laundry. I've been doing my own laundry since my early teens. I actually wanted to give my mum a break. Yes I've had ups and downs with my kids. But these ups and downs would have happened no matter what age I was. Throughout the years, babysitters, childcare centres and shared care has enabled me to go for those morning teas, and to travel a few times within Australia. Sometimes i would take the kids with me. Our children are a gift, and they stay children for such a short time. I wish you all the best with getting more leisure time.

mamamia-user-459038664 July 24, 2021

@mamamia-user-482898552 I wasn't suggesting that fame destroyed her. However, all of the pressures that come with fame did not help with her addictions.