Apart from my first birth, I don't remember feeling the burn. My births were all different lengths. My quickest birth was my third child, who quickly emerged within just 10 minutes or so of arriving at the hospital. My longest birth was my fourth/last child. He took seven hours. I think it's partly because my mother in law, sister in law, and a couple of my sisters kept coming into the room and trying to have conversations with me. One of my sisters kept staring intently right into my face. This really ruined my concentration. My then husband later congratulated me on barely making a sound, and being so "strong". I told him it was because I felt like I was the main attraction at a three ringed circus. With each birth, it was definitely the intensity of the contractions that floored me. It always felt like someone was banging big, hard rocks against my spine. My last one was the only one that I accepted pain relief for. I had some gas, which did help a little.
What a shock that sexual assault must have been. I hope your ex friend got some help and has learned to control her impulses more.
I was only 16 and a virgin. He was 19 and used to be a student of my dad's; therefore he was deemed by my dad to be "trustworthy". He wasn't. He stopped by our house a lot, and made advances towards my 14 year old sister and I. After a while, he and I officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. We kind of planned the day to do the deed ahead. Waited till my parents were not in the house, then had sex for the first time. It hurt at first, and there was blood. Then it felt reasonably good. I had to sponge the blood off my bed spread and secretly wash my undies later. Not long after, my mum came into my room and looked suspiciously at the open book on my bed, which was covering the wet spot. But she didn't say a word. My boyfriend broke up with me 6 months later. He said that we'd been supposedly "having too much sex" and that anyway, he didn't believe I'd been a virgin when we first had sex, as, according to him, I'd enjoyed it too much. This, in spite of the pain and the bleeding. This made me just feel like a cheap little nobody.
My mum was financially abused by my dad. Any time that she tried to discuss the household finances with him, he would become enraged and just yell her down. My dad was a teacher, and my mum ran a child care centre next door to our house. Although she was actually also a fully qualified teacher. All of the money from my mum's job went straight to my dad. He was actually pretty bad with money. He would spend money that he didn't really have on all kinds of expensive hobbies, such as pedigree show dogs, expensive clothes, camping trips etc. He even bought himself a sports car, when he could have instead bought us kids new shoes and clothes that we desperately needed. When my dad died, he had left so much debt behind, that my mum had to sell the house, the cars and get rid of the animals and pets. All she had left was $2000, which she used to buy a fridge, washing machine, and basic furniture for the rental house that she and some of my younger siblings moved into.
Your friend needs to be educated. I hope that police are more sensitive and empathic in their approach to sexual assault and rape victims these days. The one time in my life that i decided to report a rape, around 30 years ago, the police were hopeless. They treated me like the guilty party, and, after interviewing me for a whole day, they told me not to bother taking it to court, as I'd be laughed out of court. My rapist worked in the local bakery, and every time I walked past, he would scream abuse at me.
When I was in high school in the 70's, these very same issues came up. When i was in year 12, when we were allowed to wear casual clothing, I got sent home one day because i was wearing a top that showed my waist and belly button. I thought it was unfair back then. Looks like nothing much has changed.
Sounds a bit like my childhood. If any of us cried because of being yelled at or hit by my father, he would yell at us louder, hit us, and scream at us to stop crying. I was also very sensitive, anxious, withdrawn and introverted. My dad used to scream at me that I should be more outgoing like my sister. As if i could flip a switch and suddenly change my personality. I'm still an introvert, but I do know how to take part in conversations, so not everyone realises what I'm like inside.
I get it, being the mum of very young children can be quite stressful, especially if you don't have a support group. Please don't beat yourself up so much. You were not being a bad friend. You were just struggling with the demands of being a mother of very small children. It seems that perhaps you didn't know where to turn to for help. Perhaps you could have joined a local playgroup for mothers and children. Regardless of whether these mothers were your age, or some older and some younger, chances are you would have made a friend or two who would have some understanding of where you were coming from. I wish you joy and love in your life.
My daughter suddenly blocked me from her life for about 6 years. By text message. It was supposedly because I had been a "bad mother". I knew this was untrue. I had been the best mother I could within the circumstances that life had put us in. Even with her being the most horrific daughter ever, in her teens till her early 20's. She would scream and swear at me every single day, the moment I got home from a long day at work. She pushed me around, she bashed me up. She was bigger than me. She told her aunties lies about me, which estranged me from them. So when she sent me these awful text messages, I was gobsmacked. She completely blocked me from her life for 6 years. I wasn't even allowed to send cards or birthday presents, not even to my granddaughters. I was heartbroken. Then, around 3 years ago, she reached out and started text messaging again. She apologised and said she now understood that I had been the best mum I could. She then sent me a lovely birthday present. Now things are better than ever. She texts me each night, to make sure I'm okay as i live alone. We have also become closer through the death of her brother last year. We were both there as he passed away. I hope your daughter will reach out to you one day.
I guess this is working for you right now. But it's something I would never do. If you are living with someone who steals your joy, why live with them ? Kids are a lot more sensitive to the dynamics between their parents than you give them credit for. Do you think this is a good role model for them ? There are many advantages to 50/50 parenting. It's easier to have quality time with your kids. A lot of non custodial parents only get to see their kids one day a fortnight. I wish you well in whatever you decide to do in future.
How is that justice ? The justice system absolutely sucks
People should think twice before asking this question. I don't think there's anything wrong with choosing to be child free. There are enough people populating this earth as it is. And not everyone wants to have children. Also there are those who have tried to have children, but either had no results, or else suffered heartbreaking miscarriages or stillbirths. Such questions could really hurt someone. One of my sons, who is 32, has often said that he doesn't want children, because he hasn't met anyone yet who he would trust to be the mother of his child or children. For me, also, if someone asks me if i have children and how many, this question can be painful. As I Unexpectedly lost my oldest son a year ago. I say that I have four children but one has passed on. As you say, surely there are more interesting things to discuss.
That mother is too idealistic. And she is causing possible psychological damage to her younger son, by letting him speak to his monster of an older brother. If one of my children had done what that monster did to his little sister, I would completely cut them out of my life and never allow them any contact with my other children. I hope that monster rots and dies in prison.
@mamamia-user-459038664 part 2
To all those parents complaining about their toddlers: You aint seen nothing yet. For me, the teen years were by far the worst. Especially with my daughter. By the time she reached 14, she was an absolute monster, to me and her younger brothers. Every day when I got home from work, she would scream and swear at me for no reason, and call me the most vile names. She regularly demanded that i buy her things; even when she knew i had very little money to spare. She snuck out at night and smoked weed and cigarettes with an older woman and her mates. One time, the police brought her home in a divvy van, because I had to report her missing. She would bring these really awful, criminal kids to our place while i was fast asleep, and she would feed them her little brother's school snacks. She physically hurt me if I didn't give her her own way. She didn't snap out of this until she was around 21 and had been living away from home for a while. My sons were much easier to handle as teenagers. Although my middle son did go through a phase where he kept stealing money from me. I don't think it was until he started working himself that he realized the implications of what happened when you stole money from people. I'd had to explain to him several times that he had stolen part of the rent or bills money, and that I didn't always have the money to replace what he'd taken.
Why do you bother staying with someone who so obviously makes you so unhappy on so many levels ?
You sound a bit cold. Show some pity. It is a mere matter of months since you told your husband that you want a divorce. Personally, it took me a few years to get over both of my divorces. And you still living in the same house is like rubbing salt into an open wound. Give the guy a break. He is grieving. You should move somewhere else, agree on a parenting plan and stick to it, and stop going to counselling together. Give your husband the space to get over this in his time. You also mention that the kids are upset from seeing and sensing what happens when you and your husband are in the same space together. This should be another incentive for you to move out. Depending on the kid's ages, when you drop them off, stay in your car and watch them go in the front door. And when you pick them up, stay in your car and wait for them to come to your car. This worked very well for my second ex husband and me. Try to limit the contact you have with your soon to be ex husband as much as you can. This will help, over time, for him to gradually accept this new situation. And for you too.
Both of my ex husbands were love bombers. At first, I felt like I was in a magical fairytale. Until I wasn't. Then, for a very long time afterwards, I felt as if there must have been something very wrong with me. I know now in hindsight that there was not. Love bombers put in a lot of effort to try and snare their prey. Then, when they believe they've snared their prey, they just can't be bothered anymore. Often they start looking for new prey by then.
I know exactly what you mean. My first husband left me, and I left my second husband. Both times I experienced intense sorrow, just as if someone had died. I feel like I should be called a widow, rather than a divorcee. Breaking up is messy.
So very sad. What a waste of a life.