by KAMILA KAHN
I have a confession to make. I am a romantic. A Muslim romantic.
I grew up in front of a television. Literally. Being nine years younger than my siblings, I think my parents had given up on parenting when it was my turn. By the time I was ten, both my siblings were at University and I guess my parents thought their work was done. So instead of inculcating me with religious doctrines, I was raised by watching and listening to my siblings and their pop-culture of the time.
Unfortunately for me, that time was the 80s. Think Madonna, INXS and Bros. Picture The Goonies, Ferris Bueller and Weird Science. I can literally quote you every conversation in the Breakfast Club. Sure, I was sent to madrasa and learnt how to pray, but there’s no way a Saturday morning learning Arabic could replace my Saturday night with 21 Jump Street. This is where I learnt all my morals, my standards and my expectations.
And this is where my idea of romance came from.
Throughout my teenage years watching boys from afar (as was religiously appropriate) only prolonged the male mystique. Although all I would see were Arab boys with their mothers and Indian boys with their textbooks, I was certain underneath all this was a male ready to shower me with adoration, gifts and love.
After all, from our religious tradition came the Taj Mahal (made by a male out of love for his wife); came the poet Rumi (a male truly in touch with his feelings); and from Arabic came the word ‘carat’ (to measure the size of my future wedding ring). It was impossible then for any Muslim male not to have romance in his blood, right?
Fast-forward 10 years, and as I entered my first relationship with a male, a prospective suitor none-the-less, I realised I had huge expectations of what a male would do to prove his love to me. I had fantasies of Duckie singing Try a Little Tenderness from Pretty in Pink. I had delusions of instant passion a la Cher and Nicolas cage in Moonstruck.
As a young and naive 20 year old I was desperately waiting for those rush of endorphins, for the world to stop spinning and for time to stand still – just like in the movies. And although the initial few months and even years of our relationship would have passion, the romance never hit the heights of Hollywood.