Jacqui and her iPhone, re-enacting the moment she was sent the Penis Photo.
by JACQUI BARNES
When did I become the girl that men thought it was okay to send photos of their penis to?
Has classic courtship and wooing of a woman really fallen that far by the wayside? I mean, I realise that times have changed and sex is really just not a big deal but when did it become the accepted practice to send a girl a picture of your appendage instead of a bunch of flowers?
I was recently dating somebody that was an avid penis-photo-sender. And there were a few times were I casually mentioned that these particular images weren’t really a turn on for me (I mean really what girl has ever said “Now that’s a handsome penis photo!”)
Over one particular weekend we thought we would grab dinner and a movie. As things had been going so well, I was pretty certain what would be happening after dinner and the movie, so like any good girl scout I indulged in some pre-sex grooming and purchased some sexy lingerie.
Around midday I received a text message from my date spelling out what his intentions were for the evening (subtle = not!) accompanied by a photograph of his, ahem, package. Instant turn-off.
I made up an excuse and cancelled. It was honestly the biggest mood-killer I could have encountered. What happened to spontaneity? What happened to flirting? And the biggest worry for me was – why did he think it was okay to send me this? What did that say about me or his opinion of me?
I have been sent photos like this by three separate men. Is it me or is it just part of dating these days?
It’s not as if we are involved in a long distance relationship and we have to utilise other methods to keep the spark alive (Skype-sex anyone?). He lives 15 minutes away. Stop taking photos with your phone, take a girl out for a nice meal and you may find you won’t have a need for these types of photos again! I was planning on sleeping with you stupid. Dump a bucket of cold water on my head why don’t you!
I haven’t written this guy off completely but he’s going to need some training when it comes to how I like to be wooed. Wooing does not include photographs of his anatomy. It does include thoughtful messages, asking how my day was, a nice dinner and pleasant conversation. Perhaps then it will be worth the effort to shave my legs and wear sexy knickers.
Jacqui is mother to a gorgeous seven year old boy, a dater, wannabe world – traveller, blogger (and full time worker). You can follow her blog here and her Twitter here.
Have you ever been sent a penis photo, or any other ‘sexy’ photo? What exactly is the correct response to a dick-pic?
Comments
143 Comments so far
I was sent a wanking video by an ex once. I screamed when I opened it…… Then I hurriedly txt girlfriends to ask if my reaction was extreme – it wasn’t. I told the guy never to contact me again!
loading...
Thanks for sharing Jacqui,
I though I was the only one this happened to? I still have two different messages from different guys with their engorged knobs filling up my mobile screen. It happened once when I opened an email from my work. I agree 100% that it is a total turn off. Perhaps guys really have started to believe all the porn they see on the net that portrays girls as “easy” and “up for it”
Knob jockeys! Here is another classic example from one of my internet experiences:
I was supposed to meet up with a young and somewhat handsome guy that had badgered me for days about getting together. I agreed on Saturday night to meet him for a brief drink. In all honesty, meeting for 20 – 30 minutes is more than enough time to see if there is any chemistry or attraction for the other person. Tack it onto a night out and you don’t go to any effort for nothing. I got off work with an early mark and set about showering and washing my hair (to get rid of the airline smell – I changed careers four months ago but more on that later)
Drying my hair as I got dressed, I sent him a message asking what time to meet and where.. he responded by saying he was “..at a 10 year reunion.. where are you..”
Clearly he had forgotten about scheduling some time with me and had gone for another option. I was disappointed and slightly miffed – there were a few guys that had wanted a date and I could have made arrangements with them. I decided to go out alone. I didn’t mind going out solo, knowing it wouldn’t be a massive night because I am on stand-by for work today. I figured I would go out for an hour and see if there were any friends having a drink at the local establishment.
No one I knew was out as I scoped the room and made my way to the DJ with a drink in one hand, my phone in the other. The DJ Alex, had worked at a lot of the same clubs where I’d worked as a GoGo dancer (again in another life that I will explain some other time) we talked about who we knew and embarked in random chit chat until a “friend” turned up to talk to him. The friend was an absolute A-Hole so I excused myself to go stand outside in the night air. My phone beeped with the second message and here is my response:
Guy: I have no cold water can I come over for a shower
Me: Yeah sure. 91-93 Roscoe St Bondi. The spare keys are in the laundry around the back. Let yourself in and help yourself to the beers in my fridge. I’m going out for a few drinks and maybe I’ll catch you naked in my bed…? I am in the front room that faces the street.
The address I posted was for the Bondi Police Station.
loading...
wow the timing of this post is just amazing. I got one of these yesterday from a pretty casual friend who I went out with once and he now lives in another country. So, after a night out on the booze he send me a dick-pic (hand on it and all…), except with the time difference I accidently open the photo in my work elevator. Awkward and instant turn off. DELETE!!
loading...
Oh lord and you are still holding hopes for him….
loading...
I dont think thats very fair to say, purely judging from her photo here she hardly looks cheap. And in the article she says she cancelled on him when she saw the photo. If she was cheap wouldnt she of been up for it? Think you should get off your high horse and judge the douche bag that said it not jackie
loading...
Just disgusting.
Instant deal breaker, it’s never happened to me personally but I know it can be common. Do they not realise by pushing a few extra buttons I could send that picture to everyone I know? How dumb are they then? Jeez men can be so stupid.
loading...
Sad to think you have not Dismissed him yet. Would it bother you if he did this to his other girls who he is seeing at the same time as you? The things girls put up with. In order to hold onto a man. Sad , sad ,
loading...
me thinks you must be happy to love your 9 cats
loading...
Yes desperate women tend to end up with cats… The more desperate the woman, typically the more cats…
loading...
Why are you on this site, when you clearly don’t like women mr anonymous?
loading...
So surprised to read your comment at the end that you haven’t written him off yet! He’s soo not worth your time girl! You want someone with a lot more maturity than that!
I have been sent quite a few dick pics from men trying to woo me and its absolutely NOT a turn on. I think men are quite visual and for them receiving a pic of your bits is a massive turn on and super sexy so they assume it will be the same for you. Well NO mate waking up to text of a close up picture of your penis makes me wanna throw up not get it on.
Zero class. And something I’m hoping I won’t have to deal with from now on..
loading...
Dick pics = Urgh!
Just as bad is a guy who stands there holding said Dick in hand, fully naked, and waggling it around while it’s flaccid, as if to say “Isn’t it great! Don’t you just love my dick?!”
Men. Geesh. They can be a bit dense!
loading...
Oh yuk. Creepy and an instant deal breaker.
Stories like this make me glad I don’t date anymore.
loading...
i would have to agree with two people here:
1. Delia, isnt sending these pics of ur penis get a knock on the door of the police?
2. Speccygirl, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!
loading...
all I can say is…. ewwwwwwwwwwww.
loading...
As a single bloke …………….. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING! Out of what sewer are these guys crawling? Move on Jacqui …… very quickly!
loading...
Given, in context, that this is indecent behaviour would he enjoy a knock on the door from the police?
loading...
I may be the only person in the world, but i don’t think it’s that bad. My hubby and I send naughty texts to each other (occasionally) its just a bit of silly fun and spices things up.
He’s still a flowers and romance kind of guy so it’s not like it’s dic-pics and nothing else. We’re happily married by the way.
I don’t see the big problem??
(Please don’t hate me. Each to their own!)
loading...
Erin, no one thinks badly of what you and your husband do to keep the spice in your relationship – good on you, I say, if you both enjoy it. The difference here, though, is that you already know and love each other and enjoy sex together. His naughty pics are a reminder of what you already are enjoying. I speak from experience when I say it is a shock and a turnoff to receive a picture of a dick you’ve never met. I got one from a man I had just started communicating with on an online dating website, the communicating stopped immediately after that.
loading...
Good point. I’ve had 8 years to feel comfortable and know the limits with hubby. I imagine I’d feel differently if he sent me that straight away.
loading...
“I may be the only person in the world, , but i don’t think it’s that bad … I don’t see the big problem??… Please don’t hate me. Each to their own!”
You actually needed to have it explained to you that there’s a difference between a dick-pic from a man you’re dating and whose penis you’ve never seen (as in the story) and one from your husband of 8 years?
loading...
Erin,
You aren’t doing anything wrong. Look on the bright side, you and your husband know and trust each other and like to have a bit of excitement in your life together. In your case it’s an incredibly caring thing to do.
Go for it and enjoy the consequences!!
loading...
My theory on single guys who think they are all that… they cock block themselves. Do they seriously think we like to stare at a pic of their penis and think wow i’m one lucky girl! he is hot! We would rather see a photo of your face or your smile!
loading...
“cock block themselves” laughed myself stupid at that.
loading...
Jacqui,
By not “giving up on him” you are allowing that sort of behaviour. Not to mention that he sees you as a root and not much more. If he really did like you, he wouldn’t have sent a dick pic.
There are guys out there who wouldn’t dream of doing something so disrespectful, but women like you who will go back with a disrespectful man are perpetuating the problem. Then men in general get hammered because of tossers like your new best mate.
Walk away, and when you do, tell him it’s because of the crappy picture of his little dick, at least then he’ll think twice about doing it again.
loading...
I agree. And not judging you Jacqui..I may have done the same in the past!!
loading...
“I haven’t completely given up on him” lol dude, please give up.
This picture could mean anything, from the most innocuous thing (the guy is stupid and thinks it’s funny) to the most dangerous (he knows full well you will be offended, he’s just grooming you to blur the limits on what you find acceptable/unacceptable so you don’t expect too much from him, so he can keep pushing the limits)
I’d say run, personally…. but I’m paranoid.
loading...
Hi Clarinette, Just wanted to say that i think you are right about the grooming. I had a guy do that to me,,,but I never thought about it from that angle…and That’s EXACTLY what he was trying to do.
loading...
Clarinette, you made an interesting point about “grooming”. This is a tactic that’s not well known. Most women are oblivious to it. It can turn violent – I should know.
loading...
Men will never send pix of their appendage to women they are truly keen on. Run jacqui..
loading...
Jacqui why are you hanging around with this jerk? Seriously a desperate woman clinging into men that treat them like crap are looked upon with pity. My male friend used to do that to girls he just wanted to bonk. When he found the girl he settled with he sent any stupid pix. Take that as a lesson
loading...
I guess he sent the pic because this approach has obviously been successful in the past…..I find that disturbing.
loading...
I think Justin Timerlake started it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhwbxEfy7fg
loading...
He must truly like you jacqui. Lol
loading...
I’m curious, are there any of us out there that would actually find a visual of a lone male appendage standing at attention attractive?
I know that some men do find photos of female genitalia stimulating, just wondering if the same goes for us as well?
I honestly can’t imagine anything more of a turn off than a man so presumptuous as to send a “dic pic”. I’d hate to be thought of as a foregone conclusion.
I’m just trying to get a handle on what’s going through these guys heads and what kind of reaction they could possible hope to elicit via this presentation. Are they assuming it is a turn on in the same way that a guy might think a vag pic would be? Is it code for a quick fuck with no strings attached or some other similar message? Is it meant to repulse a prospective date they want to get out of?
I really don’t get it because my response would be similar to Jacqui’s and most of the comments on this site, probably followed by raucous laughter and scorn. Do these guys ever find this approach successful?
loading...
I’ve never been sent a dick pic! There is one term that my hubbie uses for sex though that annoys me. He always comes up to me with a silly grin on his face and says “let’s get busy!” …… Er , ok you start cleaning the bathrooms & I’ll get started with the vacuum cleaner.
loading...
Sorry but blokes do that to girls they don’t respect. Don’t sell yourself short . Move on and get yourself a quality bloke who is respectful . He sounds like a dick.
loading...
I just wanted to say……..sex is a big deal.
loading...
“What did that say about me or his opinion of me?”
I don’t think it’s about you as such…that pic is more about what he thinks of himself.
loading...
I have to agree, Jacqui, with so many people below. You are being far too kind by ‘not writing him off yet’. Unless maybe the picture said a thousand words!
loading...
When I was in high school (this was only in 2009) I received a photo message on my phone from a guy I had really only just started seeing, because the technology wasn’t as swift then I had to chose to download the image. I was really embarrassed and shocked because I had no idea what the photo might be. Despite agruments from my friends, I waited until I got home to open the photo. Was pleasantly surprised when it wasn’t a penis photo!
loading...
I agree, total turn off. I have not received one of these infamous photos, and I think I would like it to stay that way!!
loading...
I am laughing aloud at both this article and all the comments!! I have never been sent a dick pic myself but my best friend has and she showed it to me and we both had a bit of a laugh. I think it’s totally fine once in a reasonably official relationship but a lot of people seem to have had it happen after just meeting the guy or after only one or two dates. WTF?!
I haven’t spoken to ONE woman (including reading the comments below) who was impressed with a dick pic of a guy she just met so goes to show female consensus on the issue. Considering this is a predominantly female-read website, I would LOVE to hear more male opinions?! What is going through these guy’s heads when sending photos of their penis? I would assume some of these guys are just dick-heads (pun intended) but maybe some just don’t understand women and genuinely think that this is a turn-on and might be looking for some kind of validation??
loading...
Why would a man do this?
Turn the whole thing around. If you (a female) sent him a text including a photo of your unencumbered anatomy he’d be over the moon.
What he (us – the male gender) fail to realise is that you inevitably do not find this sexy, or a turn on in return.
We’re a bit thick and a bit slow it turns out. We’re like a dog with a bone showing its owner our package (blimey – see what I did there??! Yes, we really are that thick).
loading...
Thanks for your reply and your male perspective! I agree with you. I think that some guys sending these dick pics are just thinking about how THEY (a male) would respond and assume that females would respond in the same way. The fact that there is A LOT of dick pic sending in the gay world (not generalising and saying that all gay men do this, just that it occurs a lot more often) and that SOME gay men I know have a very different reaction to females (my gay friend enjoys seeing dick pics early on as it gives him a ‘sneak preview’) goes to show that men and women think VERY differently.
From my perspective it’s not so much that I’m grossed out by seeing a photo of an erect penis (I’m no prude and I’ve seen plenty) but that I’d wonder if he takes me seriously if he’s doing this. I might assume he only sees me as casual sex and nothing more if a dick pic is sent early on.
loading...
I have never been sent a penis pic. I could handle it if it was a part of a long relationship and there was text flirting going on, leading up to a roll in the hay.
But so soon in a relationship? Bit of a cock up. The guy made a dick of himself.
(Sorry, I have a habit of bad jokes)
loading...
This. I’ve done it with my partner as part of a text flirt during-the-day buildup, but we’ve been together a long time. No way I’d do it unsolicited or early in the piece!
loading...
Welcome to the world of gay dating. Yes, this is how it works on the guy-guy scene, where no-one messages you unless you put up a dick pic. Your men seem to have been taking their cues from Grindr!
loading...
But…what to do if yours is less ‘kransky’ and more ‘cocktail frank’ – oh the shame! Do we use photo-shop?
loading...
I have been asking myself WTF all week after meeting a guy friend of my sisters at the local last Sunday. He was easy (haha) to get on with, super fit and had great teeth (it’s my thing) we swapped numbers before heading our separate ways and I spent quite a bit of time thinking about him UNTIL I am sitting at my desk on Monday and get a text from said boy, I am grinning to myself as I open the message and am greeted with the unexpected! Not hey ell great to meet you just a picture of a big erect penis and to make it worse his hand was quite comfortably wrapped around it!! WTF!! The follow up text of do you like what you see wanna catch up tonight had me in fits of laughter and sadly when I didn’t respond I got another penis pic!
loading...
From my mind to your keyboard Jacqui, I have been having this conversation with myself for weeks after dating my first, er, quick-snapper. Maybe it is just dating in the electronic age! And isn’t it terrible that we look to take the responsibility on ourselves? I too have been asking how I attracted that kind of behaviour …
loading...
Clementine Ford article wrote a similar article about pick up lines and courtship on Daily Life last week: http://www.dailylife.com.au/life-and-love/love,-sex-and-relationships/how-to-reject-someone-a-novices-guide-20120730-239d7.html
albeit with a different focus. I like that this article and Clementine asks ‘what makes guys/girls think that this is ok?’. How is such behaviour supposed to be attractive? I have no answers, but it is amazing from the comments on this article and Clementine’s, the number of people who feel it is ok to act in such an unnecessary and disrespectful manner.
loading...
Male perspective – I have only ever sent a “dick pic” within the confines of a very steady relationship (my wife) and as part of a broader flirty conversation. I would never consider it with anyone that I didnt know and trust completely, and would side with the women who find it gross/weird in this sort of context.
But… My male mind thinks that maybe a lot of women don’t quite realise the extent that a man’s penis is linked with his identity. Not just those to be proud of, but no matter what shape it is very much a part of who you are. Maybe these “dick-pic”ers, although not being particularly insightful or mature, are simply expressing themselves in the only way they know how. Maybe. Again, not my cup of tea, but I think it might mean very different things to the different sexes.
loading...
I’m fascinated. Could MM please get a man to write about this? I want to know more about how it is linked with his identity and what this means.
Thanks Hay palm.
loading...
Will you please have a chat with my husband? He still thinks, after ten years together, that that level of ‘come-on’s is what turns me on. And I’ve probably spent 9.5 years telling him it’s not.
Fortunately he’s never sent me a picture of his ‘taclke’ but I have humoured him with erotic text messages, showers while on Skype etc. for him to get off mind you. Does he ever repay the favour and try to woe me? Never!!
loading...
Agree, my hubbie of 20 years has done this a few times. Instant turn off.
Especially if I’m still doing housework at10 pm, and he disappeared to his study hours ago.
loading...
Can’t say I’ve been lucky enough to be in such a romantic situation as this, but if I was I think I would just send back a pic of my awkward/unimpressed face.
loading...
… or just send back the camel photo you have posted here!!!
loading...
Haha good idea, except in the photo the camel has its mouth hanging open and a bit of a sly look in its eye, so I’d be a bit worried it would send the wrong message!
loading...
…Or a photo of you slicing bananas with a maniacal look in your eyes…
loading...
Brilliant.
loading...
I so hope my sons don’t do this. I can put this on my list of “things to worry about”….the joy!!!
loading...
That awful thought had occurred to me. He’s single currently too.
I hate to think of how awkward that conversation could be.
loading...
Being newly single I really hope this is not what I have to look forward to. If it happens I will be sending a pic back of a tiny mouse with the message ‘seeing as though we are sending each other pictures of small things…’
loading...
Like! Haha
loading...
That’s an awesome reply!
loading...
After coming out of a long term relationship in 2008, I had to go through the whole dating game again, and was shocked at how many men wanted to ‘have a wank’ for me via the internet!! Jeez what happened to conversation in the years I was in a relationship? Thank god I’m now married and dont have to deal with any more penis showing.
loading...
Spare me! I agree with Cat… an absolute wanker!
loading...
Hi Everyone
As some of you have asked thought I would let you know the photo in question was a close up, erect penis taken at an angle to “flatter”. No face, not taken at a distance … and poorly groomed for those that asked!
loading...
Poorly groomed? What real man “grooms” down there? I’m appalled at the thought!
loading...
Seriously guys – they really aren’t attractive!
loading...
Oh my god, I’m with Mia. So glad I signed on the dotted line before the iPhone! I couldn’t cope with the dating practices of today!!
loading...
Being old and out of the loop, I hadn’t even heard of this until TODAY.
So can someone in the know fill me in. Are the penis pictures erect? Or are they just fat, flabby & flopping around? Do they trim the verge or are they in need of a good whipper-snip? Is the photo a close-up? Is their face in it too?
OMG I am so curious! And to think they are posted on dating sites! I’ve never seen a pic like that on E-Harmony!
loading...
In my experience generally erect, close up and groomed.
loading...
This post makes me glad I got married before camera phones were invented…..
loading...
Cant say I have done it, Imagine if I sent one and got a msg back “canceling our date I thought you were bigger” it would scar me for life.
loading...
Men sending pic dicks via text and wanting only hairless vaginas?? Thankgod I had my grand share of kissing frogs before mobiles and I could let it all hang out.
loading...
We still haven’t had any light shed on why they do it. Anyone? Anyone?
I’m completely in agreement with comments below, it’s one thing to share sexy pics after you’re already in a relationship, but “Hi, this is my dick” is not an ice breaker nor is it a pick up line. They do it on chat roulette, on Blendr… wherever they get a chance! I’m fascinated to know why.
And as a side note, if they are inviting pics back, don’t be too quick to do that either. I’ve caught many a guy friend sharing those pictures with their mates, colleagues or just any other bloke who happens to be nearby. If they have no emotional connection to you, there’s no way they’re keeping those pics of your privates, private.
loading...