If you’d asked me two years ago what I’d be doing right now, my answer wouldn’t have been writing this story.
Two years ago, I was married, scanning Pinterest for a new couch for the living room, and bickering with my husband over leaving his dirty socks on the bed.
Two years ago, I hadn’t flown across the country to meet a 21-year-old backpacker at a hostel on a whim, gone on 30 Tinder dates in a single month, or told Kylie Gillies and Larry Emdur on national TV about the time I left work to catch a D.
I know. It sounds like a giant shit storm. Like, way to turn your perfectly good life into a train wreck, right? And perhaps that’s how I’m supposed to see it… But honestly? The last two years have probably been the best time in my 34 years on this planet.
That’s not to say it hasn’t been without challenges; telling your mum your marriage is over because you got wasted and made out with a DJ isn’t exactly a fun moment. Nor is having to sit through your doctor explain you broke your vagina by going OTT with your post-divorce gift-to-self. (If you wanna talk about walks of shame, try hobbling around the office for a week after being overzealous with your vibrator.)
But it taught me A LOT. Things I never would’ve learnt if my life hadn’t crapped itself like Taylor Swift’s career in 2017. Important things like, how to glean creepily specific details about a guy before you’ve even been on a date (thankyou, Interwebs), why you probably shouldn’t use the “turbo” setting on your new vibe straight off the bat (or like, ever), and, how to beat Tinder f*ckboys at their own game (also some other more meaningful stuff, but I’ll save that for Oprah).
I am an: ✖️OBJECT ✖️SLUT ✖️VICTIM ✔️WOMAN ✔️ . . . . . . #selflovewarrior #womensevolution #sexpositive #sexpositivity #sexpositivefeminism #feministasfuck #slutpride #pussypower #bodypositve #bodypositivewomen #bodypositivepower #selflovefirst #mybodymyrules #loveyourbodychallenge #hotgirlsdaily #hotgirlsofinstagram #loveyourselfie #bodypositivemovement #lingerieaddiction #slutwalk #endslutshaming #endrapeculture #mypussymychoice #womensmovement