Ever since I was a child, I've had no idea how to dress.

Perhaps it was a side effect of being a twin (with younger twin brothers) and Mum therefore having precisely no time to think about what anyone was wearing. If we had shoes on, it was a bonus.

My earliest feelings about clothes were that they were itchy and mostly inconvenient for whatever activity I was doing.

I also remember dreading mufti days in primary school because IknewI wouldn't be wearing what everyone else was, solely because I didn't know how to... find that information. Perhaps you were supposed to be looking at your peers on the weekends or taking note of what people on the television were wearing but I DON'T KNOW because I never did it? And I'd always turn up wearing weird corduroy pants that weren't in andhad never been in.

Where did Mum even buy them.

While I've always been in the fortunate position of being able to walk into most shops and find something that technically fits, that didn't make my fashion decisions any easier. Being absurdly short meant that the default items like jeans and dresses were the trickiest to find.

I also had no taste, so.

As I got older, puberty happened and boobs made dressing even more difficult. I didn't want anyone to look at them but covering them up was disarmingly unflattering. I was also handed the awkwardness of boobs and hips witha completely flat bum, so precisely every item of clothing I put on was confused.

Fast forward to entering my early 30s and I've made absolutely no progress in the clothes department. I mean, I guess I've liked some things I've worn over the years but most days I'm fairly certain I'm dressing... incorrectly. According to any and all standards.

In 2020 and 2021, I didn't actually mind being in lockdown, solely becauseI didn't have to think about what to wear.

But then we returned to normal life, and not only do I have to wear clothes to the office, but there are fancy events like weddings and birthdays and I simply can no longer deal with looking like a foot.

I've written elsewhere about the way I spiralled when trying to find a wedding dress for my own wedding, but even trying to find an outfit for a Tuesday is hard.

So I asked for help.

And honestly people's enthusiasm to give me advice could potentially be interpreted as rude but whatever.

Here's what I learnt:

1. Know your uniform

Fashion expert Tamara Davis told me the key to dressing well is having a go-to idea of what suits you, or "an equation that works to fall back on".

Knowing that I'm lazy, she pointed out that dresses are a bonus because they're one decision. For my shape, she suggested "styles that hit above the knee and cinch in to frame your shape".

At first I was skeptical, because although Tamara is also a short human, she's been known to pull off this:

And on a related note, this: